Check out my new blog called Faith and Betrayal.
I will be posting from today and will post three times a week(Monday, Wednesday and Friday). It’s a completed blog so you won’t have to wait for posts unless I have no access to the internet.
Sorry for the delay, I had promised this one a long time ago but the Almighty had other plans.
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https://my.w.tt/UiNb/jgNRClSXUG
On WordPress
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anindiangirlssacrifice.wordpress.com
Hope you enjoyed reading. Thank you for your support.
PART HUNDRED AND SIXTY SIX -Final post
We’ve been waiting for months for this good news and finally it was here. Safiah’s divorce has been finalised and she can finally move on. It’s been an emotional few months for us all. First with the good news, Ahmed and his mother patched up and everything was normal between us. We spent our first weekend with them in their house last month when it was his parent’s anniversary.
Yaseen and Raeesa got a divorce and Yaseen is now studying further and working. He hasn’t found anyone as yet but I’m sure one day he will. After all there is someone out there made specially for each of us. He is much more happier now and he has made so many new friends. Ahmed and I are enjoying his company everyday. He is such a ball of fun and excitement. Saibah has also grown very fond of Yaseen.
Tomorrow is my baby’s birthday party, I can’t believe that a year has past. She just grew too fast, I’m lucky not to have missed all her special moments. She has definitely filled our lives with so much joy and has made us proud parent’s. I couldn’t have asked for anything to be different, yes I had a difficult life but my baby made it all worth it. She has made my life complete and has brought our families together.
Both my family and Ahmed’s family will be coming over later. We will be all staying in our house together for the first time. I know my family will manage but I’m not sure about Ahmed’s will manage. It’s their first time staying with us so I’m a bit worried. Ahmed is excited to have everyone over at the same time and he’s even more excited that his princess is turning 1.
We having a huge party for Saibah’s first birthday but not only because it’s her birthday, this was our special way of getting all our family together. There’s one relationship we have to work on and that’s between my mother-in-law!and her youngest sister. Ahmed has decided to do this task so he will talk to them in private just before the party, it’s a difficult task but we have to give it a shot.
Our families arrived and all got to their rooms and freshened up before we could start all the hard work for the braai tonight. Humeira, Faheema and I got working on salads and then drinks. The men were watching the cricket and my mum and mother-in-law were looking after the kids. Zinat and Sameera are also here from tonight, the rest of our guest only arrive tomorrow for the party.
This morning I woke up feeling sleepy, we stayed up talking till early this morning, I managed to get only few hours of sleep. After breakfast we set up the back yard for the kiddies, we had someone come in and set up for us Jungle jumping castle, slip and slide and a soft play park, we had mini cars and horses they could ride and had a few acts planned for the day. For the adults we set up inside, in the living room and dining room.
All our close family started arriving, as soon as Ahmed’s choti khala walked in he took his mother and his khala upstairs to our room and had a talk with them. He left them in the room for a little while after he spoke to them and then went to see if things changed. I am so proud of him, no matter what the results are I am happy that he decided to take a step forward and try to sort things out between his mother and aunt.
Well all the kids were enjoying the party, Saibah was sitting with my dad enjoying the show that was put on. After the kids played a little and watched one or two shows we served lunch to everyone. We had a caterer prepare for us lunch, after lunch we let the kids play again and enjoy themselves. I saw that Ahmed’s mother and aunt were talking so I figured things were sorted out between them.
We cut the cake and served tea,Saibah was so excited all the attention was on her. She didn’t manage to blow all the candles but all her cousins helped her. I was exhausted by the end of the day and just wanted my bed and pillow. It’s strange how we can go with years despising someone in our own family. We sometimes grow up with that person and shared so many wonderful memories with that person but they make one decision you don’t like and you despise them forever.
We sometimes are so blind in our ego we don’t appreciate our family members. The fight between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will probably last forever and we might end up seeing our daughters having the same problem when they are daughter-in-law’s and mother-in-law’s. It’s something that no one can fix. Yes there are good daughter-in-law’s and mother-in-law’s and they have the best of bonds but not all five fingers are the same. The one thing a mother-in-law or a daughter-in-law can do is overlook what the other does and find the good in each other.
This goes for family members and siblings as well, what I’ve realised is that we always looking for ways to make conversation with each other and when there isn’t a topic we take to gossiping which leads us into trouble because as much as you think the person in front of you is your family member and won’t tell the other remember they also family to that person and would go tell that person what you said the first chance they get.
Remember also that only you can safeguard your image, other’s will always find ways to make you look bad so don’t give them that chance. Whether it’s with in laws or your own family, there is always that one person that will try their best to make you look bad. One thing every person should remember that the same person you engaging gossip with is talking about you to the person they gossiping about.
Today my family and my inlaws are here spending time with us, my mother-in-law has accepted Saibah and I and we have started to share a special bond that I pray never breaks. I wish to see my Saibah grow up with all the love she deserves from both her grandparents and both sides her uncles and aunts and not forgetting cousins. It’s never nice to see someone suffer and not move on and find happiness so I wish all the happiness to both Yaseen and Safiah’s. May they both find their partners and all the happiness they deserve.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I hope you all enjoyed reading my blog and will enjoy reading my new blog. Will be posting the new blog in a few days. I will inform you here when I start the new blog. My new blog will be called “An Indian girls sacrifice”.
PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM WRITING A NEW STORY AND WILL POST BOTH ON WORDPRESS AND WATTPAD…. I will publish the name when I post the final post to this story.
PART HUNDRED AND SIXTY FIVE
This morning Yaseen and I went out for breakfast, then we went to meet with the florist and decided on what flowers we wanted, she showed us a few examples of what she can do and I sent the pictures to Sakina for approval, then we met the caterers, the menu is already decided so we just had to place the order and make sure she was available for our dates. It felt weird to plan this with Yaseen since he is just went through a bad marriage.
He has been positive so far, he gave input when needed and he was very excited to help. I guess he has to move on and he needed this break to get away from things that reminded him of Raeesa. The flat was his biggest reminder, I’m glad he got rid of it. He says it’s difficult at my parent’s because he feels guilty for putting them through all the trouble and fighting with them about Raeesa.
He knows they forgive him and have moved on but he can’t forgive himself for putting our family through all that emotional stress and at the end it turned out that he was defending someone who didn’t deserve it. It frustrates me to see him like this, feeling so miserable, hopeless and like a loser when actually he is no loser. Yes he made bad choices and now he is paying for it but he was brave to get out when he could.
What annoys me is that she walks around like nothing happened with no shame or guilt. Her parent’s also have no remorse for what she did or for them keeping the truth from us. They have this don’t care attitude unless it’s harming them, her father played this very strict respectable man when infact they nothing like that, for all we care they probably part of her tricks and it’s all planned out.
We got home just after 4pm, Ahmed messaged that he wanted to skype so I messaged him when I was ready. We haven’t seen each other in two weeks, we messaged and called each other but never skyped. It was good to see him, although it was over the net. He is not sure as yet if he will come a few days earlier. He has just a week left in Malaysia so I don’t think he should rush, it would be different if it was a few days earlier.
Yaseen and I had dinner and then we sat on the edge of the pool, dipping our feet in the water, talking about Yaseen and what he is going to do now. He wants to leave his job and move to Jo’burg to study further but my parent’s are against it because he will be closer to Raeesa. I don’t mind him living with us, but I don’t want him to do it because he feels he can get closer to her and watch what she does.
At the end he will only be hurting himself and his family. I don’t think he would be stupid and get back with her but I feel he would like to know certain things like if she moved on, has she met someone else, what she is doing in life and that is only going to hurt him more. He is going to be miserable if he sees she is enjoying life while he is sulking away. The best is to ignore what is going on in her life and to make a better life for himself.
I have been keeping in contact with the lawyer’s since Ahmed has gone and we have a bit of a wait until we can hear any good news about the divorce. It’s not as easy as we thought. I am frustrated that it is not going our way and what makes it worst this morning I hear from the lawyer that Raeesa has refused to sign the papers, which means Yaseen can’t move on. Everything comes down to her now which is awful.
I haven’t told Yaseen anything because he is in such a good mood and I can’t deal with his anger alone so I don’t want to put myself into that position. At least until Ahmed is here and he can handle Yaseen and his anger. We lost track of time and surprisingly Saibah slept all this time. I looked at the clock, it was 11:30pm. I locked up and then we went to bed. I jumped into bed and Saibah woke up.
I woke up this morning in a chirpy mood, we were going on a shopping spree today to help Rizwana and Farzeen get their outfits. Yaseen was tagging along, he would of been bored at home anyways. Ahmed is returning later today so I’m overly excited. Rizwana and Farzeen came to the house just after 10am, we had a quick snack and then left to do our shopping. I left Saibah at home since I am in Lenz and with her shopping would just take longer.
We went window shopping first and enquired about the outfits and then decided which ones we really liked. After we got both their outfits we went back to the house and had lunch. Imraan was fetching them after work so we watched tv and the girls played with Saibah before he came to get them. The driver fetched Ahmed from the airport, I am so glad he is back. Finally everything can get sorted out.
The most important is Safiah’s and Yaseen’s problem’s. They in problem’s that are not allowing them to be at peace while both their partners are at peace. A few minutes after the girls left Ahmed walked in. He was happy to be home and we were happy to have him home. We sat for a while and then had supper. Ahmed went upstairs to get some sleep. I sat to read my book while Yaseen played games.
Saibah was asleep so I enjoyed my quiet time. I went upstairs to sleep and Ahmed just woke up. We spoke for a little while catching up on stories. He decided that he would sort out both Safiah’s and Yaseen’s problem’s soon. He also needs to sort things out between his mother and himself. She has been calling me while he was away saying that she wants to apologise for all the wrong she has done to me and all the pain she caused.
This morning I told Ahmed about all the calls his mother has made to me since he left and that she has apologised and we have sorted things between us, now he has to call her and sort things out between them. He has no excuse not to forgive his mother because the reason he was arguing with her was Saibah and I and now that she has accepted us and apologised he has no fight. He promised to call her after breakfast and he did so.
Yaseen and I spent the day shopping for the wedding while Ahmed went to see the lawyer’s for Yaseen’s case. Finally we had some good news, Ahmed took the papers personally to Raeesa to have them signed. I don’t know how but he got them signed, soon the papers will be filed and they will be divorced and my brother can move on. Safiah’s has been doing well and has been discharged so Ahmed has arranged for her and her parent’s to come back to Jo’burg.
Soon he will have her divorce papers filed and he knows it will be a quick case since Reeza is guilty of alot of things and Ahmed said he was going to speak to Reeza and tell him if he signed the papers we wouldn’t lay charges for all the other assaults and all the other things he did wrong. We also found out about his dealings with drug dealers but we didn’t let him know about it.
PART HUNDRED AND SIXTY FOUR
As soon as Saibah opened her eyes I called Nomsa to take her. I needed some sleep and if I didn’t get it I would be very moody. I set my alarm for 11am, closed the door and pulled the upstairs phone off the hook, it’s Saturday which means my mother and Faheema call in the morning. Just seconds before my alarm can ring I wake up, I take a quick shower and go down for breakfast, I make myself crumpets with strawberries and nutella.
Nomsa gets Saibah dressed while I got everything into the car. Nomsa was coming with me so she could take care of Saibah. When I got to Sakina’s house Saibah was asleep so I didn’t stress too much about her. I showed them what I came up with and people we could use for the wedding, they changed a few things and agreed to use the people I found to help on the day. It was a quick meeting which gave me time to visit Aunty Rubina.
It was strange going back to my old place even Nomsa said it felt nice to visit the complex. There’s no one staying in the apartment I was staying in. We surprised them so they were really happy to see us. We sat and spoke about our days together, the outings we had, the fun times and we even made fun of some of the things we did. Imraan was our main target though, we teased him about the things he did to meet up with Sakina.
I got home just before maghrib, I fed Saibah and then left her to play while I made something for me to eat. After maghrib I sat and watched a movie, Saibah was asleep so it was a good time to watch a movie. I haven’t watched a complete movie in a long time. Well I didn’t end up watching the full movie, I fell asleep and all the blame goes to my sleep deprivation. I woke up two hours later when Saibah wailed.
Today I’m having Uncle Abdullah and his family over for lunch, I got out of bed early, did all my chores before I started cooking. I’m making leg roast with veggies, I’m making sojee for the sweet dish and we having ice cream for dessert. They got here around 11am, the girls were all over Saibah, they didn’t leave her for a minute. After lunch we sat and discussed what they were planning for the wedding and walima.
Farzeen and Rizwana want me to go with them to look for outfits so we make a date for next weekend. We don’t have alot of time, this wedding is in a months time. As soon as they left I called Ahmed, it’s two days and he hasn’t called. He knows I worry if he doesn’t call or at least message. He was really busy, we didn’t speak long, he told me he would call once his meeting was over.
My cousin Aneesa called, they were going out for dinner, she asked me to join them. Aneesa and Faheem fetched us, I was glad I didn’t have to drive alone, I hate it especially when I got Saibah with, I just don’t feel safe. We went to spur for dinner, it was nice, although noisy which always is at any restaurant you go that is full of indians. After dinner we took the kids to play some games at the entertainment centre.
We got home quite late, I went straight upstairs, made Saibah sleep and then I watched a little tv before I fell asleep. I heard my phone ringing, I looked at the time and it’s 9am, I looked at my phone and see it’s Yaseen. He wants to come to Jo’burg, I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea because Raeesa is this side, I don’t want him to confront her or complicate things by doing something silly.
I also don’t want him to feel like I’m pushing him away when he needs me so I agreed to him coming but on the terms that he goes where I go and he doesn’t do anything silly that would cause trouble. He said he would be here by the evening, I got ready, had breakfast and then started preparing for supper. I didn’t bother about lunch since I was alone. I made his favourite pasta dish and for desserts I made pineapple dessert.
I called Safiah’s parent’s to see how she was doing. She has healed well but emotionally she is not doing well. Reeza obviously got out on bail which made her feel worst but she has hope as the police officer has assured her that they got enough evidence to get him some years for what he has done. Personally I don’t think the police officer should of said anything because we all know South african law.
The doctors are discharging her in a few days, they will stay at the villa until she has healed completely. I am glad that she is doing much better, I hope that she recovers both emotionally and physically, it’s going to be a tough journey, only she knows what she is going through, the pain she is feeling. I just wish she keeps a positive attitude throughout her healing process. Zaheer said he will have his friends visit her often.
Maybe they will be an inspiration to her, the one is a psychologist and the other is an Aalima, so they will help her both spiritually and emotionally. She needs a lot of attention, love and care, her parent’s are going to be her biggest support. They will have to be patient and forget about themselves this time and only concentrate on her. I hope they understand what she is going through.
I went to the mall to do some grocerry shopping before Yaseen got here, I want to stay away from shopping centres with Yaseen around, it’s going to be difficult since I am shopping for the wedding. I will have to work around it and be careful, maybe I can take him along to babysit Saibah. Yaseen arrived just before maghrib, he looked really tired, I asked him what happened, apparently he hasn’t been sleeping.
He feels he needs to get away from his daily routine, he only managed to clean out his flat this week. He couriered all Raeesa’s things to her already and the rest that he bought after like furniture and stuff were all sold off. He didn’t use the money as yet so she can’t blame him for not goving her money from it although she didn’t buy any of it with her money. He called her to ask what she wanted to do with the furniture and she said he should get rid of it.
We had dinner and then Shiraaz and Sabiha came over with the kids so we watched a movie while Nomsa and Thandi looked after the kids. Sabiha was telling me that she also hasn’t watched a movie since Lutfiya was born. I guess until you a mother you don’t realise what mother’s go through. While we were watching a movie we heard someone screaming outside, Shiraaz and Yaseen went to see what was happening.
A few houses away from us there was a fight between neighbours. Apparently one neighbour put his garbage bags on the other neighbours side and the dogs ripped it apart, neither of them wanted to pick it up so instead resorted to screaming and swearing each other in the street. It’s the first time Yaseen and I experienced something like this, we’ve always grown up with family as neighbours.
Our other neighbours we’ve never had problems with and if there was a problem they would always come and discuss it or we would go to them and discuss it in a polite manner. This was literally aunties telling each other how they would hit the other, pull out each others hair or throw garbage all over their lawn. It was awful to see and disgusting to see women carry on in a rowdy manner.
PART HUNDRED AND SIXTY THREE
This morning Zaheer called, he needs to get in contact with Safiah so he can have someone go over to her place and see how she is living and to get her out. I called her this morning but she didn’t answer, so Zaheer had his friend go over. They found her on the kitchen floor, she was badly beaten. It broke my heart hearing about the things Reeza had done to her and to know she laid there unconcious for the night.
They rushed her to the hospital and had a charge laid against Reeza, but they had to wait for Safiah to wake up to lay the charge. I prayed the whole day that she would wake up and more that she would agree to laying a charge against Reeza. I know that after all that he has done she will still want to be with him because she loves him. She doesn’t want any harm to come his way but if she doesn’t take this one step forward then there is nothing we can do.
We can only do so much, she has to take the steps to make her life better. Zaheer’s friend calls me after a good few hours, Safiah has finally woken up. She is in a lot of pain but the best news was that she agreed to lay a charge. They had a police officer take her statement and they were going to arrest Reeza. We didn’t tell her parent’s anything as yet but we need to soon.
They need to see what this man has done to their daughter. Shiraaz went with me to see Safiah’s parent’s, we were welcomed well but they didn’t take the news too well. At first her mother said we were making up stories until we made a video call to her so they could see for themselves what she was going through. Her father was not happy about getting the police involved but after Shiraaz spoke to him he was okay with it.
We arranged for them to leave to Cape Town first thing in the morning. They need to be with Safiah, she need their support now more then ever. I wish I could be with her but it’s just not possible at the moment. We trying to get her to Jo’burg so she can be with her family but this will only happen once she recovers and that is going to take time. Her doctors have said that she has some broken bones and internal injuries.
I woke up ready to take on another day, hoping it would be less hectic then the days before. It’s been three days that Safiah is in hospital, the doctors say she is making progress and if it continues like this she will be out in a week or so but will have to rest. I’ve arranged for them to stay in our Villa for the time they are in Cape Town. I don’t want her to go back to Reeza’s house. Her parent’s have already taken her things so she doesn’t have to go there.
Sabiha and I are going out with the kids today, Ebrahim has been troubling her for few days now, so we decided to take him out. We taking them to the lion park, it’s one of Ebrahim’s favourite places. We had breakfast and then I fetched Sabiha, I took Nomsa with so she could help with the kids, especially in the car. When we got to the parking lot Lutfiya and Saibah were asleep but woke up as soon as we entered the place.
The day was filled with loads of fun and adventure, the kids were definetely exhausted and so were we. We got home just before dinner, we ordered out, I had no energy to cook. Saibah was fast asleep, she was really tired, I was glad she was getting some sleep and that meant I could rest too. Ahmed called this evening, he is home sick, it’s only been a week and already he is missing home.
He still has two weeks left, he wants to finish up sooner if possible and have his flight moved but he can only do that once he gets to Malaysia and sees the progress on business there. He will be in Malaysia by tomorrow evening so he can decide then what he wants to do. I got so much to do still for the meeting I’m having with Sakina and her parent’s. I hope they like my ideas, it will make things so much easier if they do.
I woke up to my alarm blaring, I got ready and then went downstairs, made myself some scamble eggs with mushrooms and sausages. Saibah was still asleep so I took advantage of the time I had and worked on some ideas. Sakina had no time to plan a wedding, she had exams and had to concentrate on studying so she left it all up to me. Aunty Rubina is doing everything for their side but she wants my input on everything.
She had Farzeen send me pictures of everything she liked, she is coming to me on Sunday to discuss other things. I got in contact with some people I thought would be good options to get things from, now we will have to see if Sakina likes them. Saibah woke up shortly after I finished all my work. I unfortunately can’t get much done when Saibah is awake so I didn’t even try. I didn’t trouble Nomsa and Thandi because they had enough work of their own.
I went to the mall this afternoon, I bumped into Raeesa and her parent’s. I didn’t know how to react, I felt like slapping her and walking away but that’s not how I was brought up so I greeted them and moved on. I didn’t even want to know what they were doing in Lenz. After my shopping spree I went to visit my dad’s sister Amina. She has been telling me to visit for a long time and I always had something on.
I sat with my aunt and my cousin Aneesa catching up on our lives and stories about the family. My cousin from Maputo is getting married he will be coming to South Africa since the girl is from here and all his family as well so we were discussing their plans. We were so engrossed in chatting I didn’t realise it was getting dark. They wanted me to stay for dinner but I had to get home and after all that snacks I was full.
Ahmed called today, he landed in Malaysia, the meeting is only scheduled for tomorrow so he will only know then of he can come home early. I think he is feeling it more because of the fight he had with his mother. He is feeling guilty and him being so far doesn’t make it easier. I suggested he calls his mother to sort things out but he refused. He won’t admit that he is feeling home sick because of the fight he had.
I put Saibah to sleep hoping to get some sleep myself. It’s been really tough these past week without Ahmed. He usually helps at night with waking up for a feed or changing her, now I’m doing it by myself so I am feeling sleep deprived. I’m thinking of letting Nomsa see to Saibah in the morning so I can get some sleep before going to Sakina’s house.
Saibah didn’t sleep for long which meant no sleep for me. I tried not to entertain her playfulness but she refused to sleep. I was too exhausted to sit on the chair and make her sleep so I broke the rule and put her on the bed next to me so I could sleep aswell. I know I shouldn’t of but I couldn’t help myself. I would be a walking zombie in the morning if I didn’t get a little sleep.
PART HUNDRED AND SIXTY TWO
This morning Ahmed woke up in a good mood and decided we should go out for the day, just Saibah, Ahmed and I. We went to the mall for breakfast and then went for some shopping and then we went for a picnic at the zoo lake. It was a lovely relaxing day with my family. When we got back Ahmed went straight to the study, he had a big meeting in the morning and still didn’t prepare for it.
I sat with Saibah downstairs in the lounge and watched tv, then I made chicken mayo sandwiches for dinner. After dinner I went up to my room, I left Saibah to play by herself while I sat on my phone browsing through facebook. I haven’t been on any social media in a long time feels like forever. While browsing I see all these pictures of Raees and a lady, that reminded me that I have not kept in contact with Safiah after our chat.
I’ve been so busy with my life and all that had happened with Yaseen that I forgot about her problems. I feel really bad that I wasn’t there for her. I called her and was horrified at the things I heard. Raees has left her, he didn’t divorce her, he told her he will never divorce her but he will not stay with her. He supports her financially by sending a cheque every month for clothes and grocerries.
She has spoken to her parent’s and they don’t want her to leave him or come back home. They told her that there is no place for her and what would people say. Raees has someone watching her all the time so she is not allowed to leave the house unless he tells this guy that she is allowed to for shopping. He has come by once or twice but hasn’t been pleasant to her, he only comes to beat her.
I cried after I put the phone down, my friend was in so much pain and I felt so helpless. I know Ahmed has alot on his plate right now and I wouldn’t trouble him if it was something small but this is huge and I need his help I just don’t know what can be done. We have to consider that he is her husband and he has to give her the divorce, she can’t give him a divorce islamically. I think a little about it and then I decide to speak to my cousin Zaheer.
It was late already so I decided to call him in the morning. Ahmed came to bed, I told him about Safiah, he was shocked and upset that she was going through so much and we didn’t do anything about it. He was quiet for a little bit and then turned around to sleep. This morning was hectic, it was such a rush because Ahmed had to be at the office early. After Ahmed left I went upstairs took a quick shower and then got Saibah dressed.
I couldn’t get my mind off Safiah’s situation, so I went to visit Sabiha for a little bit. When I got home I called Zaheer to discuss the problem Safiah is having. He gave me some solutions and now it’s all for Safiah to decide if she wants out and what she is willing to do. Ahmed got home just after midnight, I heard him come in and get into bed so I assumed he ate already. The whole week went by and Ahmed and I haven’t spent anytime together.
He would leave early and come back when I was asleep. He has been really busy at work, he has called once or twice to tell me he would be late. We at the weekend again, Ahmed is going away on Sunday morning, he has a trip to London and then from there he will go to Malaysia, he will be gone for three weeks. I’m feeling really depressed, I will be alone for three weeks. I don’t want to go to my parent’s, so I’m just going to stay at home.
Ahmed was busy the whole day with work, I packed his bags and made sure he had all his things with him. Saturday went by and Sunday was already here, my anxiety was crazy, I know I will manage, I stayed alone for so long but I was use to having Ahmed around. I think I felt it more because the last few weeks haven’t really been our best weeks and we left alot of it unresolved but moved on.
Ahmed took some time today to spend with Saibah and I. We went out for ice-cream just before he left to the airport. It didn’t really get to me Sunday night until I realised I was alone in bed. I twisted and turned for a while before I could sleep. Ahmed was already on his flight and probably asleep as well. During the night I woke up for Saibah’s feed, I couldn’t go back to sleep.
This morning Saibah was awake super early, I had Nomsa take her downstairs so I could get some sleep. I woke up in a shock, I looked at my watch, it was 11am. Ahmed had not called as yet, maybe he was just settling in or busy. I took a long relaxing shower, got dressed and went down for breakfast. I wasn’t too hungry so I just had a cup of coffee and a slice of toast. I was not liss to cook for one person and there were leftovers for lunch so I relaxed.
Sabiha came to see how I was doing we made plans to have dinner together, I took on the task to prepare the pasta salad. I remembered we were suppose to start planning Imraan and Sakina’s wedding. I called Sakina and arranged to meet with her parent’s this weekend so we could discuss what they want. I will have to work on some ideas before meeting with them. I was glad I remembered because now I had something to keep me busy.
Ahmed finally called just after I had lunch, he landed safely, he was doing well just a bit tired. We didn’t speak much, he wanted to get some sleep. I checked online for places that would be good to use for the wedding. I checked out venues, catering places and caterers, and florist. We have a bit of time to prepare for this wedding so I’m trying to get the best prices.
After a few hours working on ideas for the wedding I took a break. Saibah was awake so I played a little with her and then got ready for dinner. I had Nomsa help me to Sabiha’s house. It was a lovely dinner, the company was good and I got away with eating alone. Ebrahim enjoyed playing with Saibah and she loves him to bits, Lutfiya has a flu so she was asleep.
When I got home, I locked up and then went upstairs to my room. I thought about having her sleep with me on the bed and realised it was not such a good idea, Faheema’s words rang in my ears. I was not taking chances just for my comfort. I made her sleep and put her down in her cot. I hopped into bed, I sat there thinking about Safiah, I hope she agrees to leave cape town. She cant stay there in such a relationship.
It is up to her so I can only offer her help and hope for the best. Maybe she will see that she will be better off here with friends and family instead of being subjected to such bad treatment and being left alone. I still can’t believe that Raees could turn into such a person. It makes me sad to think about all the ladies who have had their lives ruined by man who have no heart.
PART HUNDRED AND SIXTY ONE
Eid day is finally here, everyone is excited, I didn’t want to spend eid upset with Ahmed so we patched things up last night. After eid namaaz everyone went to the farm for slaughtering then we got back home and all my dad’s family came over. The ladies got together and made breakfast ready while the men sat around discussing how things went at the farm, the rugby and they also got to know a bit about what each one has been up to since our last get together.
They say eid day is more like eat day and it seriously is for our family. We have our three main meals in the day and snacks in between but on eid you find yourself nibbling on all the goodies like mithais (sweetmeats), fruit, chocolates, sweets, chevra (Indian crunchy snack) and there’s always alot of desserts and baking. You definetely need to go on a detox and a diet after all that eating.
After breakfast Ahmed called me up to the room, he apologised once again and wished me for eid, he was feeling guilty and I could see it. Throughout the day he paid alot of attention to Saibah which was great. He was suppose to leave this evening to his parents but decided to stay with us. The original plan was that we all would go but after his little dramatic act I decided that he should go alone.
This morning Ahmed suggested we stay with my parents for the Friday and Saturday and leave to his parent’s on Sunday. I didn’t want to go, he went there alone and showed them that we were fighting so it would be so awkward to face them and knowing my mother-in-law, she would leave no chance to taunt at me. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t want Ahmed to feel bad if I didn’t go or deprive him from spending time with his family.
The whole day my mind has been on whether I should stay behind or go with Ahmed. I couldn’t come to a conclusion, after dinner I don’t know why or how but I told Ahmed we would leave tomorrow after breakfast to his family. I informed my parent’s who were not too happy but they understood that we needed to be fair to both sides. Ahmed was very happy that Saibah and I were going with.
I jump out of bed as my alarm rings for the 3rd time, I quickly take a shower and I nudge Ahmed so he could wake up and get ready. I went downstairs to get started on breakfast, Humeira was already busy in the kitchen. We had breakfast together and then sat for a little while before we could leave. We didn’t discuss yet where we will be staying.
Since we married we have never stayed with his parents. I feel he should stay with his parent’s and I will stay at his grandparent’s. I know that my mother-in-law will not want me to stay in her house and I don’t want to be an inconvenience for them or make them feel uncomfortable in their own home. Ahmed refuses to stay in separate homes so he suggested speaking to his parent’s first and if they don’t agree we will stay with his grandparents.
After three and half long hours we finally get to his hometown. He decided to first go to his grandparent’s and then he would go see his parent’s and speak to them. We got settled and had a late lunch, after lunch Ahmed went to see his parent’s, I don’t even visit their home, my mother-in-law made it clear that I was not to go anywhere near her house. I never held it against her, it’s her way of having her own space.
I guess she feels I will try to take what is hers since I did marry her son and that for her is equivalent to taking her son away from her. I sat with his grandparent’s waiting to hear what his parent’s had to say. He phoned and told me to get ready he was coming to fetch Saibah and I. When he got here he looked calm and had a huge smile on his face. I assumed all had gone well at his parents.
I got into the car and we drove off, after a few minutes I looked up and realised that we were not heading in the direction to his parent’s but rather leaving town to go back home. I asked him about it but he laughed and said we should forget these people. He told me not to ask him about it again, I did as he instructed but just until we reached home, had supper and we were relaxed, I waited for the right moment.
“So what happened at your parent’s? I know you said you don’t want to talk about it but I should know, I don’t want problems later on.”
“Well I spoke to them and I asked if you and Saibah could come stay in their house and my mother freaked. She said some nasty things and I got angry so I told her that I cut all ties with them and they will be hearing from my lawyer.”
“What? Are you crazy? They are your parent’s no matter what they say you should not be rude to them. I can’t believe that you have done such a thing.”
I picked up Saibah and walked out of the room, I was not going to argue with someone who didn’t want to listen to me. I sat upstairs watching tv until Ahmed came to the room. He didn’t say anything to me, he took his clothes and changed into a shorts and a t-shirt, he played with Saibah for a while and then sat on the bed, took the remote from my hand and changed the channel, after few minutes he turned off the tv.
He turned to me and looked at me with a huge grin on his face. I got off the bed and went to get Saibah from her cot, I put her on the carpet and played with her. Ahmed was still on the bed he cleared his throat trying to get my attention. I looked up at him and told him to stop trying I was not forgiving him so easily and what he did was wrong. He argued a little to prove his point but I didn’t give him head and continued playing with Saibah.
“Don’t you think it’s better we came home? Atleast we get to spend some time together,” he asked nonchalantly.
“No because you left for the wrong reasons.”
“Babes you don’t want to know what was said about you and I couldn’t just listen to my family bad mouth you.”
“Ahmed you know this is always going to be an issue, you shouldn’t have even tried to get us to stay in one house. You should of just kept quiet and stayed with them. Last week you never cared how much you hurt me but you can’t take a few bad things your family said.”
“Are we going back to that argument?”
“No I’m just trying to prove a point.”
“Okay point taken but I already made up my mind and we never going to be near my family ever again.”
I kept quiet, he usually says that and then few months later he starts missing them and tries to fix his mess. I know this circle all too well. I made Saibah sleep and then hopped into bed, Ahmed turned to face me, he had his serious face on and apologised. He kissed me on my forehead, turned around and switched off the lights. I took a while to fall asleep but Ahmed was snoring within minutes.
PART HUNDRED AND SIXTY
Sabiha and Shiraaz stayed with me the whole night. The doctor monitored her fever and put her on a drip throughout the night. I was relieved that by morning her fever had gone down tremendously and we could take her home. I didn’t want to stay in the hospital and put her at a risk of catching an infection. Her doctor said she was okay to take home. When we got home I sent Sabiha and Shiraaz home, they needed to also check on their kids.
Saibah was asleep, I tried calling Ahmed again but he didn’t answer, so I took a nap before Saibah woke up. I woke up to my phone ringing, it was Ahmed, he saw all the calls from myself and Shiraaz and decided to call. I told him what happened, he didn’t say where he was or if he was coming home, he just cut the call. I took a quick shower, got ready, fed Saibah, she looked much better.
She was playing instead of the continous crying. Sabiha brought me breakfast, she knew that I probably didn’t want to leave Saibah. She sat with me for a little while, she didn’t ask what happened to Ahmed, she just gave me company and assured me that everything would be okay. Sabiha made Saibah sleep and then instructed me to sleep, she said she would wake me up if anything happens but I couldn’t leave my baby and sleep.
Uncle Abdullah and his whole family came over including Sakina. Sabiha told them that I didn’t sleep whole night so they made sure I slept in the guest room and got a few hours of sleep. I couldn’t fight so many of them so I slept and woke up to a happy baby and a lovely lunch. Ahmed was still not here, I realised he was not coming. The rest of the afternoon went into entertaining visitors, lucky for the help I had.
Ahmed finally came home, he had really left us and went to his parent’s. I didn’t want to create a scene although I didn’t want him near my baby. I had a house full of people and they didn’t need to know my business. After everyone left, I took Saibah upstairs and locked the door. I wasn’t going to award him any brownie points. He deserted his family and went miles away, his daughter got so sick she was hospitalised and he did not answer his phone.
I was angry and I had every right to be, I kept my baby away from him and I had that right too. He had to prove to us that he cared and I wasn’t going to let him off that easy. He gave me a tough time when it wasn’t my fault and I was going to give him an even tougher time because it was his fault that I sat without him at the hospital. He didn’t trouble me, he knew I was angry at him and that Saibah was asleep.
I woke up this morning, took a shower and got dressed, I got Saibah dressed. I decided that I was not going to mope around and be alone for eid. I was going to spend my time with my family whether Ahmed was coming or not. I went downstairs had breakfast, Ahmed fell asleep on the couch, I woke him up gave him breakfast and told him what I planned to do. I took Saibah and went to get my bag and cellphone from my room.
When I got downstairs Ahmed was waiting at the door, I walked down the staircase and he took Saibah from me and handed her to Nomsa. He grabbed my hand and took me into the nursery downstairs. He closed the door and then asked me to have a seat. I was annoyed at him already and this was not making it any easier on me, I just wanted to leave and get away from him.
Ahmed wanted to come with to my parent’s, he said that he was sorry for not being around when Saibah got sick, for leaving us behind and going to his family, for taking off with me over something Asad told him. I asked him to see for himself how many things he had done wrong, does he really deserves another chance, especially after all the chances he had in the past. This time was different, our child is involved and I wont allow any harm to come her way.
I walked out of the room and was about to leave the house when Ahmed locked the door, he refused to get out of the way until I agreed to forgive him. He didn’t understand, it was not about forgiving him, it’s about the way he reacted which lead him to do things that he regrets. We were lucky that Saibah didn’t get very sick otherwise he would of regretted even more.
I obviously didn’t want to drag this fight before and no matter how mad I am now I don’t want to drag it on so I accepted his apology and went with the flow although I did let him know that he was not off the hook. I wasn’t letting him off that easily, not after the week I had. The car was already packed with our bags so we hopped in and were on our way to celebrate eid with our family.
We get to my parent’s, I’m exhausted and Saibah has a slight fever again, she is crabby and crying non stop. She refuses to go to Ahmed or anyone else, she only wants me, I taunt him about it telling him that it is because he was not there when she got sick the first time. Faheema and her family will be here just before dinner. Humeira and my mum are busy making salads, my uncle is having a braai tonight.
I woke up to my alarm blaring, Saibah and Ahmed were still asleep but both woke up with the alarm. I left Saibah playing in her cot and took a quick shower and got dressed, Nomsa came up to give Saibah a bath while I went down to help with breakfast. After breakfast Humeira and I got together and baked a whole lot of delicious biscuits and cakes for eid.
We have a cook that will be preparing lunch for the family. Breakfast my mum likes us to do at home, she says it brings the family together so Faheema is busy marinating the chickens and cooking the chops and kebaab chutney. Tonight everyone will be meeting up for dinner again but this time by us, the ladies get to put mendhi while the men sit around talking about their fishing and camping trips.
We need to prepare for that as well, my mum is cooking the leg roast and veggies, my aunt is making pasta and steak and the cousins are making desserts. We always take full advantage of the times we get to spend together. Every moment is special to us. I’m still not speaking to Ahmed, I have been either ignoring him or staying away. He has been trying I have to give him credit for that but it’s not enough.
By lunch we were done with baking and cooking, Ziyaad got us take outs for lunch which came as a blessing for us ladies. We relaxed a little after lunch and got back to work, setting the tables and chairs and then we layed a separate table for desserts and tea. Just before maghrib everyone starts arriving, we serve dinner after maghrib, everyone in their clicks having good laughs. I see Yaseen sitting with everyone but yet he seems so lost.
This eid is going to be a difficult one for us, especially for Yaseen. He probably planned to spend it with Raeesa and that’s now just a past dream. He hasn’t yet moved on, it’s not that easy it will take a while until he forgets her and forgets all the memories that they made together. We just have to be there for him until the divorce goes through and even after to help him move on obviously at his own pace.
PART HUNDRED AND FIFTY NINE
I waited the whole day hoping that Ahmed would come home but he didn’t. Saibah was asleep so I took her upstairs and put her down in her cot. I still had some hope that Ahmed would come home so I sat up reading my book, I woke up with the book on my chest and to a crying Saibah. I fed her and then went to see if Ahmed was in one of the other rooms but he wasn’t. I tried calling him but only got his voicemail.
I couldn’t go back to sleep, I am worried, I don’t know where he is or what I should do. I sat on my bed with my head in my hands and tears filling in my hands. I don’t know what’s going through Ahmed’s mind, the only reason I think he is acting this way is because of Asad. Few hours later I hear the door open, I look at the time, it’s 7am. Saibah was still asleep so I left her upstairs and ran down.
It’s Ahmed, I run and hug him, he pushes me away and goes upstairs. I stand there like a statue, disheartened, I was happy to see him but he definitely was not. I followed him upstairs, he can’t ignore me for long, for how long is this going to be a problem. I get his breakfast ready and prepare lunch for him. He has meetings at the office today so I know he is going to be busy, I pack fruits and some yoghurt.
He came down for breakfast and again without saying anything to me he left. He didn’t even look at me or Saibah. My poor baby is now in the middle of this fight which frankly I don’t even know why we fighting. I hate fighting, it’s always exhausting. I sat at home watching tv and taking care of Saibah the whole day. I hear a car pull up the driveway, I checked through the window and it was Ahmed.
He was earlier then I thought he would be. He walked in, came to the lounge, kissed Saibah on her forehead and went to the study, He didn’t say a word to me. I sent Thandi to call him for dinner, he came down, sat at the table, ate his dinner and went back upstairs. I cleared up and then went upstairs, I put Saibah to sleep and then tried to speak to Ahmed. He didn’t let me in the study, I sat on the floor begging him to open but he just wouldn’t.
I woke up this morning still on the floor by the study door. Ahmed didn’t come out of the room as yet, I got up and checked on Saibah and then got ready went downstairs and made breakfast. I waited two hours before Ahmed could come down, he left without having breakfast. I couldn’t live like this everyday so I invited Sabiha out for shopping and lunch. I got Saibah ready and picked Sabiha up.
We went to sandton to do some retail therapy and then had lunch at Europa. I got home just a little after 3pm, Ahmed was already home. Nomsa said he was in our room. I left Saibah with her and went to up to see Ahmed. He was sitting on the chair in the room, looking out of the window. I asked him if he was okay, why he was home so early. He looked at me as if I did something wrong.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked warily.
“Where have you been? I’ve been waiting since lunch time.”
“I went out with Sabiha, you were not home these few days and I can’t wait around for you to decide you want to talk to me.”
“Ofcourse you can’t because you need to be elsewhere.”
“What’s that suppose to mean?”
“Like you don’t know.”
“I don’t, please tell me what’s wrong, what have I done for you to treat me like this?”
“Don’t act naive. You know I’m talking about you and Asad.”
“What about Asad and I? He is my past and you are my present and future. Why is he even in our conversation? This is between you and I.”
“I saw how he looked at you at Irshaad’s house.”
“Jaan he looked at me, I didn’t look at him. I have no interest in him. I love you and only you.”
“Not what he said. He told me that you two still chat.”
“And instead of talking to me about it, you would rather believe him.”
I walked out of the room and went downstairs to get started on dinner. I made cheddermelt steak, with mushroom sauce and creamy spinach. It relaxed me to cook, gave me time to cool down and to think as well. I can’t believe that instead of asking me Ahmed would rather listen to lies. What was Asad even thinking, the last I remember he was getting married, so why is he making trouble for me.
We didn’t say anything to each other at dinner. He ate and then went to watch tv in the lounge. My mother-in-law called and asked what we decided, if we would be coming for eid or not. He told her that we would be there for supper and the weekend. A few days go by and we haven’t said a word to each other. We now 2 days away from eid, we suppose to be leaving today to my parents but I don’t see that happening. Maybe I should go on my own and just make an excuse for Ahmed.
I am so exhausted with all this fighting, it’s so silly if you think about it. I packed our bags and waited for some sort of indication from Ahmed on what we were doing. Ahmed left again this morning without breakfast so we didn’t talk again. I messaged him to find out if we were going to my parent’s or not. If we didn’t go my parent’s would worry so I needed to call them if we were not going.
He told me to go on my own which really hurt. I didn’t expect him to not come with me, I didn’t think things were so bad. I contemplated whether to go without him or not. I called my mum to let her know that Ahmed had work to do and I didn’t want to leave without him so we will maybe leave tomorrow. I waited again like I did everyday for the past week and when he came home he went up to his study as usual and didn’t come out.
I left our bags packed, I had no energy to unpack and definitely was not in the mood. Saibah got a bit feverish this afternoon so I took her to her paediatrician. I didn’t bother to tell Ahmed although he was home because I figured he didn’t care. When I got back I saw him putting our bags in the car. I was not travelling with my baby who has a fever. I ignored him and took Saibah upstairs, I gave her the medication her doctor prescribed and made her sleep.
Ahmed came up to call me, he said we were leaving to my parent’s now. I told him about Saibah being sick and that I didn’t want to go anywhere for eid, I just want to stay home. He insisted that we go otherwise I would loose out on going to see my family and he will be going to his family. I was angry that he didn’t care that Saibah was sick and would just leave her in this condition and go see his family, so I told him to go to his family and leave us alone.
I heard the front door closing and the car driving off so I assumed he had left. I sat there crying and questioning why this was happening to me. I had done nothing to deserve this and my baby definitely doesn’t deserve this. I sat by Saibah’s side for a few hours, her fever would not go down, it just increased, her doctor came to see her and had her admitted to hospital. I tried calling Ahmed but he wouldn’t answer.
I called Sabiha and Shiraaz, they were the only people I could think off, they came immediately to the hospital. Shiraaz kept trying Ahmed but he switched his phone off. I called my parent’s and told them that we wouldn’t be coming for eid and that Saibah was in hospital. I never mentioned anything about Ahmed not being here.
My Diary Affair 