PART SEVENTY SIX

PART SEVENTY SIX 

 
She was adamant at first that she is right and that he can’t do this to her. She also mentioned that his mother would be so disappointed because she had sent her to Jo’burg. I was shocked that Ahmeds mother went to such an extent. Anyways I offered to drop her off somewhere but she said she would go herself. 
 
She apologized for the wrong and wished us luck. I don’t blame her, now knowing the truth behind all that she did has made me see why she did things. Ahmed was furious after hearing that his mother was behind everything. His never seen this side to his mother. He even went as far as to say he hates his mother. 
 
I felt hurt that he was hurt and also that his mother wanted me so badly out of his life. I told Imraan to go home, Ahmed would drop me off. Ahmed and I need to discuss a few things. After Imraan and Ahmeds ex left, Ahmed and I sat and spoke about what we were going to do next. 
 
I asked him what should we do now, how will I manage to be with his family when there’s functions or when he wants to be with his family. They don’t even like me, at the moment this is the biggest obstacle in our relationship. Which is also making me think if we should get married or not. 
 
Ahmed says that he will not go to see his family and he will not attend family functions. I can’t expect that of him, it’s wrong. He will live such a miserable life, thinking about them and wishing he was with them are thoughts he can’t avoid. I suggest to him that we should not set a wedding date as yet, first we have to sort out this problem. 
 
Ahmed is determined that he will cut ties with his family or at least change their misconceptions about me. I am so confused, I don’t know how to deal with this. What do I do, how do I make his family like me or at least accept me as their daughter-in-law.
 
I have to find a solution and quick because if I don’t it will just delay our wedding. Ahmed dropped me off at home after we spoke. We haven’t come to a solution as yet and I Don’t think we will come to one so soon. Anyways I get to bed, hoping the next day is better. 
 
At work we have two audits and I have to go see a prospect client. I get home exhausted and in no mood to do anything. I checked in the fridge for leftover so I don’t have to cook and then decided to go to the gym to relax my mind. Rizwana joins me to the gym.
 
So I try to not concentrate on my problem and start asking Rizwana about her day at university. She tell she about her friends and her admirer. I was excited to hear she has a admirer but he sounded a bit freaky. She even said that he is such a freak and she needs to get rid of him. 
 
She doesn’t like him and he annoys her. Her friends have now decided if they don’t take the same lectures then they will pick her up from her lectures just to ensure she is never alone. I got a bit worried about that, is this guy stalking her. She said she did tell him to leave her alone but he doesn’t want to. 
 
The best is to have a word with the university chancellor and take it from there. I think I should speak to Imraan first and then take action. After gym I went home and took a nice long shower. Ahmed called to say he was still at the office with clients and he would check with me before he goes home to see if I’m awake.
 
Ahmed doesn’t end up calling and I fell asleep waiting for his call. In the morning he called to apologize, he got home very late and didn’t want to disturb me. He sounded worried, I asked him what was wrong but he didn’t want to say so I didn’t force him. 
 
The whole day it bugged me at work what was wrong but I just ignored it. The weekend was eid so I was excited to go home and see my family. I decided after work Ahmed and I would go shopping together. I needed to get eid gifts for everyone in his family as well as mine and not forgetting our friends. 
 
I called Ahmed to see what was his plans for the day. He didn’t have much meetings so he could join me for shopping. I told him where to meet me and then he can send one car home with the driver. After work we met at the mall, did our shopping and then decided to have supper. 
 
When I got home I wrapped all the gifts and then gave him the gifts for his family. He didn’t want to take them but I forced him. He said he would post it or send it with someone because he was not going home for eid. I tried convincing him again to go home for eid.
 
He is so stubborn at times, he never changes his decisions, once his mind is made up it’s like talking to a wall. He said if I didn’t want him to spend eid with my family I should just say. What could I say to that. Anyways after Ahmed left I called my mum to see if she needed anything. 
 
My dad wants to speak to Ahmed about all these problems we’ve been having. I don’t think it’s such a good idea but my mum said I can’t expect them to see me in this mess and not do anything. They can’t give me into a family that hates me from the beginning.
 
My parents want to invite Uncle Ashraf and Aunty Shenaaz to discuss all these problems that they have created. My dad says he has to sort all this out before he agrees again to get me married in that family. I didn’t want to upset my dad so I just agreed. 
 
I am not going to tell Ahmed about my dad’s plans. It will just be a battle between them. I had a hectic day coming up so I went to bed early. In the morning Ahmed called and said he won’t be in Jo’burg today he is going to see a site. He wanted me to make something for him to take with.
 
So I quickly made lunch for him to take with,made something for me and then got ready for work. Ahmed came over to pick up his lunch. The advantages of having a fiancé, he said. Today I was meeting a realtor for new office space for our company. 
 
We having problems with the owner of the current place we at. He keeps coming up with silly stories. I spent the whole day on the road running around looking for the perfect space. Some are just too small and some perfect but the location and rental price. My boss definitely won’t be happy. 

PART SEVENTY FIVE

PART SEVENTY FIVE

 
Ahmed hasn’t told her anything and his going to play along with it and then the day she is leaving Jo’burg he will tell her. I think it’s mean but he says this is the only way she will learn and so will his family. He hasn’t told his mother anything yet but he will. 
 
He says that after he tells his mother his decision, he is going to ask her to leave us alone. He has also decided that we will stay away from his family and I also should not tell them anything that goes on between us. I don’t agree with his decision to keep away from his family. 
 
I tried to convince him otherwise but he doesn’t want to listen and said if I want to be on their side then he doesn’t want anything to do with me. Now what can I do or say to that. After Ahmed left I called my mum and told her everything and then I told her what he decided.
 
My mum wasn’t very happy at the situation I was in and also how Ahmed was handling things, she feels that it will just make them hate me more. My mum wanted to call Aunty Shenaaz to see why she was doing all this. Why she came all the way to ask for my hand in marriage for her son and also have us get engaged only to treat me bad. 
 
I stopped my mum because Ahmed didn’t want anyone to contact them before he told them his decision. My life and it’s dramas never end. No matter how long I go away for something new always pops up. Anyways everyone in my house got to know as well as Faheema. 
 
Before I knew it they all called to see how I was and what I was going to do. Shuaib was so furious he told Faheema when he brought a proposal we didn’t accept it now we stuck with this problem when I could of been happy with the guy he brought. I got a shouting from Faheema for that.
 
I had to stay away from Ahmed for a few days and that was so difficult. We just manage to sort out something and I haven’t even told him my decision. I called him once to meet once at least. He agreed, so after work he came over for supper. I told him my decision and that he should go home for eid and I would go home for eid. 
 
He didn’t agree to me going to home for eid but said that we both should go to my family for eid and that’s how all our eids would be spent. There was no use arguing with him, I had to slowly get him to agree to things. Ahmed was really happy, he stayed for a little bit and then had to go.
 
After Ahmed left I went to the shops to get milk and bread and guess who I see there. Yes it was Ahmeds ex girlfriend, she saw me and came up to me. ” I know you from somewhere,” she said. I just told her I’m Ahmeds work colleague and I had come over to fetch some paper the night she was by him.
 
Then she was all sweet and asking about myself and if I had anyone in my life. I didn’t want her to think I was after Ahmed because I felt she would feel it as a threat so I said yes I’m engaged. She wanted to know who but I didn’t say. I made like I was in a hurry just so I could leave. 
 
Before I left she offered me to join them for a movie, she said she was going with her boyfriend. I just said no my aunt is waiting for me at home so I should go. I know all this was just a act on Ahmeds part but yet I felt bad. I felt hurt and lonely, tears just rolled down my cheeks. 
 
When I got home I put the milk and that away and called Zinat. I needed a friend to speak to, after I poured my heart out to Zinat I felt so much better. Sameer even spoke to me a little, shame he felt bad for me. He said I shouldn’t worry he has my back and that good things happen to good people.
 
I was still worried but waited for Ahmed call to say he was home and how was his time. I fell asleep waiting for his call, when I woke up I saw no missed calls. Maybe he got home to late and decided not to call. Anyways I had to leave for work and couldn’t wait for his call or call him. 
 
I had a busy day with audits, I had to go to a clients place so my team and I decided to meet there instead of going to the office first. We worked until 3pm and then left to go home. I decided to go to the nearby mall before going home. At the mall I saw Ahmed and his ex, they were holding hands and walking as if there was no one else around. 
 
I decided not to stay, it would just upset me more, as I was going out his ex spotted me and scream out my name. I tried to ignore her but she ran up to me. She took me to Ahmed and kept saying my boyfriend this and that. I was getting so annoyed, I wanted to tell her off but decided not to.
 
I excused myself and left, I was furious, can’t he tell her no, people are seeing them together. I think this is going too far. I didn’t feel like doing anything when I got home, I didn’t even cook for supper. Imraan came over later to see if I was okay, Aunty Rubina told him I didn’t pop in at all today. 
 
This weekend is eid and I haven’t even told my parents that I will be home for eid and Ahmed plans to come with. So I called my mum and told her we will be coming for eid. My mum was really happy and so was everyone else. I wonder what’s going to happen tonight. 
 
Ahmeds ex is leaving Jo’burg tonight and he is going to tell her the truth. He wants to introduce her to me but I don’t think this such a good idea. Ahmed called me around 7pm to see where I was. He called me over to his place, I quickly got ready and took Imraan with me. 
 
When we got there, Ahmeds ex was sitting in the lounge like she owned the house. She was so boastful about things she didn’t even own. She even lied and said she got him one of the ornaments in his apartment. That ornament he got from a company he deals with. 
 
She was in for a surprise, Ahmed told us all to sit down he had something to announce. She asked what was so important that he called a “mere colleague and her pet.” I wanted to punch her teeth in but then I thought shame she is going to be heart broken so I left her to boast.  
 
Ahmed: Wait a minute and listen to what I have to say. So the person you calling a mere colleague is actually the same Saajidah I’m engaged to. 
 
Ahmeds ex: The Saajidah that I sent all that photos to? 
 
Ahmed: yes the same one and thanks for admitting you sent those photos. 
 
Ahmeds ex: but you said we were back together and now you leaving me for her. 
 
Ahmed: well technically you and I were never together, I just played you to show you and my family a point. I wouldn’t leave Saajidah even if my mother or anyone for that matter paid me to.
 
Ahmeds ex was in tears and she was definitely shocked. I pulled Ahmed to one side and then sat next to her and explained to her how she has tried and tried to ruin our relationship but at the end only she is getting hurt. I also told her that his family is only doing all the drama because of her and her mum being a friend. Otherwise they would never bother.

PART SEVENTY FOUR

PART SEVENTY FOUR 

 
Mariam and I cleared up and then sat outside, we exchanged details as it was my last night here. I am glad for this time away and for meeting the people I met. Something Arshad said to me that made me really think and also helped me with my decision. 
 
He said,” We often don’t realize what we have in our lives until we take a look at what others have. We make everything about us and that makes us selfish and blind. We don’t think what the next person had to go through to do what he did or be where he is.”
 
Ahmed did what he had to do to keep his family together, he can always replace me but he can’t replace his family. He went through all the stress and pain alone. He didn’t tell anyone his problem, I can only imagine the frustration and stress that it had in him.
 
I felt bad for putting him through more torture but I was also hurt by his actions. I decided when I get home that I would call him over and speak to him instead of just messaging or calling him and telling him my decision. After Mariam left I thought about what I would tell Ahmed.
In the morning I got all my things ready to leave. I decided to eat out for breakfast since it was the last day of my break. On my way back I kept thinking what I was going to say to Ahmed. I decided that instead of calling him over to my house, I would go to his place.
When I got home I took everything out of the car and had a quick shower and changed. I messaged Ahmed to see where he was, he was at the mall with a friend. I was a bit disappointed but it was my fault I shouldn’t of waited until last minute. I told him to let me know when he was home.
I quickly made supper for myself and then went to see how Aunty Rubina and Uncle Abdullah were doing. While sitting there Ahmed called to say he was at home and I could come over. Excitedly I grabbed my keys and bag and drive off to see Ahmed.
When I got there I see his friend is also there. He introduced us, he told her I was a work friend. I felt so out of place like I was the one disturbing them. Everytime I said I’m going he said no wait she won’t be here long so I waited and waited and his friend didn’t go so I left.
When I left he was in the bathroom so I just told her to tell him. Then she said,”oh I will, thanks for leaving we were waiting for you to leave so we could go out for supper.” I felt so bad but then I thought maybe she knew who I was and was just adding to the fire.
When I got home, Ahmed called and asked why I left. I told him his friend said they had supper plans and I didn’t want to be in the way so I left. He just said okay and put the phone down. I feel like my time away was a waste because it’s like the drama hasn’t ended.
Just before I got into bed Ahmed called again but I didn’t answer. He tried a few time but I wasn’t in the mood of explaining to him anything. I went to bed and left my phone on silent. In the morning I saw all his missed calls. He left a voice mail message.
When I got to the office I saw a bouquet on my table, the secretary didn’t know who sent them and there was no card with. I had no time to figure out who sent them so I just continued with my work. After work I stopped at the bakery to get some treats.
Ayesha from our weekly club invited me for a light meal and tea at her place. A few of the other ladies from our club were also invited. I didn’t even have time to check with Rizwana and Sakina if they were Also invited. I thought I was late when I got to her house there were so any cars already.
Ayesha had also invited people that were not from our club so I didn’t know most of the people. Lucky I spotted a few familiar faces and started to speak to them. I heard a lady talking about a guy named Ahmed but I didn’t know which Ahmed.
It sounded so much like my Ahmed, she mentioned the business he is into, where he stays and also about his family. I tried to ignore her conversation but I just couldn’t. When I turned around it was the same girl he claimed to be his friend. She told everyone at the party that she was his girlfriend.
Sakina also heard her and came to me and asked isn’t she talking about your Ahmed. I just said sounds like but I’m not sure. Rizwana wanted to go up to her and tell her nonsense but I stopped her. I didn’t stay long at the party, I decided to leave before supper was served.
I excused myself and told Ayesha that I wasn’t feeling too well. I went home only to find Ahmed waiting outside. I was so upset I didn’t realize what I was saying and just blurted out “you not with your girlfriend tonight? Oh I forgot I just met her at the party.”
Ahmed stood there in shock, I went in and closed the door behind me and went to my room, closed the door and sat on the floor crying. Ahmed came in and heard me crying so he came to the room door. He asked a few times if he could come in but I didn’t reply to him sorted so he sat on the floor on the other side of the door. 
 
He asked if I ate and I said no, so he went to the kitchen and checked what there was in the fridge and took it out. He made the food hot and came to the room. I moved from the door and sat on the carpet near my bed. He came in and sat on the carpet as well. 
 
He tried to feed me but I didn’t want the food. He said he was also hungry and also won’t eat if I didn’t. I got up from there and sat on the chair, Ahmed still sat on the floor. He said,” first eat then I will tell you everything.” I was too hungry to say so the second time so I ate. 
 
After supper he went to the kitchen left the dishes there. He locked the front door first which I found strange, he never does that, I didn’t ask him why. He came to the room and closed the room door. Then he asked me to come sit on the carpet so I sat on the carpet. He said he would tell me everything but I shouldn’t interrupt until the end. 
 
Then he explained everything, this girl is his ex girlfriend. She came to Jo’burg to ask him to leave me and marry her. She doesn’t know I’m his fiancé because she hasn’t seen photos before, that’s why he said that I was a work friend. His mother told her to come and convince him because she knew that there were problems between us.  
 
So he also played along and never told her anything. He spent the day with her how she wanted and told her that he doesn’t mind getting back with her. He then brought her home knowing I would come there so that she would get jealous. He ignored me because if he got too close she would of known.
 
Then he asked,” so why were you crying?” I told him that I didn’t know all this and what else did he expect I should do. His ex was telling everyone at the party that she is his girlfriend and soon they going to get married. Only Sakina, Rizwana and I knew what was the story. 

PART SEVENTY THREE 

We got back just before Asr, I went to my chalet. I told Mariam she is welcome anytime to come over. Although I wanted time alone, I felt bad for her. I checked my phone and saw three missed calls from Ahmed. Why was he calling me when he knows I wanted no contact because I want time alone. 
 
I called Ahmed to find out what he wanted, he said he wanted to know if we could speak at least once a day. I explained to him that after all that I went through, I need the space. I need him to give me space and time. I need to think if we should be together or not. 
 
If his family can plot such a big conspiracy and hate me so much before we even married, imagine what will happen when we are married. I need to find a way to deal with the drama his family will always cause. Do I want to be around people who I can’t trust. Time spent at his parents would be so stressful.
 
I didn’t realize while I was on the phone Mariam was standing at the door. I saw her reflection on the tv and I turned around. I hope she didn’t hear my conversations. I told Ahmed I would call him back and we would discuss the matter later. Mariam felt bad that she just came and I was busy on a call.
 
I told her it was okay, I tried to avoid her asking me questions about the call but she did ask if I was on an important call because it sounded important. I guess she heard a bit of our conversation. I made tea for us, we sat outside and had our tea while we spoke. Mariam was more interested in my life this time.
 
I told her a bit, like where I am from, about my family, what work I do. I also mentioned Ahmed and that we are engaged but I never told her all the details. I know she did tell me details about her life but I’m not comfortable telling my problems to strangers.
 
Anyways after she left I got into my pjs and then got into bed. I switched on the tv when I realized that I had to call Ahmed. I called but he didn’t answer the call, but he called back after a few minutes. I didn’t ask what he was doing, I got straight to the point. 
 
Ahmed kept begging me to let him call me at least once a day. He said if we didn’t speak at all we would just be putting more pressure on our relationship. At first I felt like he has already put the pressure so what more is there to do. I gave in at the end and told him he could call once a day. 
 
Then he asked if we could speak a little now, I agreed, he asked about my day, what I did, then he asked about what I wanted to do for eid. So I told him I will be in Jo’burg and will be spending it at home alone. He was shocked that I was going to be alone and he didn’t know. 
 
He did ask where uncle Abdullah and his family will be and he asked why I didn’t tell him before. My reply was “when were you interested in what I had to say, all you wanted was for me to agree to go to your family for eid.” he kept quiet, I knew he felt bad and I wanted him to feel bad and know how I felt. 
 
In the morning I checked my phone, Ahmed had left a message for me. It read,” I’m so sorry that I forces you to do something you didn’t want to. Today I realize what a special person you are, you are willing to spend a day of celebration alone for me, to make me happy and you didn’t complain once. I have to tell you that today I respect you more than I ever did. My love for you has increased immensely. I wish to be at least half the person that you are. Please forgive me, I love you, Ahmed.” 
 
I’m glad that he realized his mistake and has started to appreciate me. His message was a good start to my day. I booked a spa treatment for later in the day and planned to just relax indoors. It was so relaxing, no disturbances, just me and my books. 
 
After my spa treatment I went for a slow long walk along the lake. Then I took a boat ride around the lake. When I got to the chalet I took a short nap and then made supper. I got two more days here and I want to make the most of it. Tomorrow I want to go to a nearby shopping centre and then relax for the rest of the day. 
 
I need to do some thinking and decision making as well so I can’t waste my time here. After supper I got into bed and watched tv. I fell asleep while watching tv. In the morning I saw two missed calls from Ahmed. I feel so bad, I missed his calls, I did hear the phone ring but I didn’t realize it was mine.
 
I called him before I could do anything and I apologized for not answering his call last night. He was not upset at all, he figured I was asleep. I think it was the spa treatment, I felt so relaxed after that I actually slept early and had such a peaceful sleep.
 
After breakfast I got ready and went to do some shopping. I bought gifts for everyone at home and for Ahmed. After shopping I went out for lunch, it felt weird having lunch alone but it was good also. Sitting in the restaurant, I hear someone call out my name, at first I thought it was Mariam but I didn’t listen properly, it was actually a mans voice. 
 
I turned around, it was a old university friend Arshad. He was also on holiday with friend and also came to have lunch. Strange that he was alone for lunch but he came with friend on holiday. I didn’t bother to ask, it was good talking to him. We caught up on a lot since we last saw each other.
 
He was staying at the same resort but on a different section. They were camping at the resort. He was not married as yet and was not seeing anyone. I thought he was a good match for Rizwana but I didn’t mention anything to him. I just took his details,i don’t want to play matchmaker and my own relationship is on the rocks.
 
Arshad said they were around only for one more night, it’s their first camping trip and it’s been hectic because the resort has a problem at the camping site with electricity. They haven’t had a hot water bath for days. I told Arshad to invite his friends over for supper. 
 
I also offered them to come use my chalet to bath and so on. I went back to the resort and prepared for supper. I invited Mariam as well, she came over to help me. When Arshad and his friends came over they all wanted to shower first. Mariam was kind enough to offer some of them to use her chalet. 
 
One other thing they were glad to see was a tv, I just laughed at them because they were going on as if they were sent to a jungle. I asked them what made them come on this camping trip because they not the camping type of people. They actually loss a bet and had to come camping. Anyways after supper we had desserts and tea and then the men left. 

PART SEVENTY TWO 

We just sat in my room for a few hours in complete silence. We didn’t even realize what the time was. Then Ahmed said,” Saaj, I don’t know about you but I’m really hungry.” When I got up only did I realize we were sitting n my room for 6 hours, it was already 4pm. 
 
When Ahmed got up, his neck was sore because of being in one spot for so long. We both went to the kitchen to make us something to eat. I told him to leave it, I would make something but he didn’t listen. We ate and then he wanted to sit with me but I wanted him to leave. 
 
I needed some time to think things, my mind really went in circles for the last six hours so I needed to reflect on everything that happened and decide what I wanted. Ahmed sat for a little bit and then he left. I called Faheema and told her what happened and what I want but I don’t know how to move on from here and forgive him. 
 
She told me the best way is to ask Allah. He is the only one who can guide me and give me answers to all my questions. I called Ahmed after I spoke to Faheema and told him that we will only meet after eid. I needed sometime and when I was ready I would call him. 
 
He begged me not to do this, he was feeling guilty and my decision not to meet made him feel more guilty. He begged for forgiveness. He even said he wouldn’t go home for eid because he wants to spend eid with me. I told him I don’t want to spoil his eid so I would tell him a day before eid. 
 
Then he can go home nicely for eid and spend it with his family. He told me that he will wait for my call and that he was not going home for eid because his family have let him down. I didn’t want to get into too much detail with him and I wasn’t going to convince him otherwise. It is his decision to make. 
 
Anyways the next day I went to work and called my boss and asked him for one weeks unpaid leave. I have no leave left but I needed this time to myself. My boss said I could take leave but he won’t take it as unpaid leave. I then booked at a nearby resort. After work I went to do some shopping.  
 
I went to buy all the necessities for my trip and some extra stuff like snacks. I went home and packed my bag, I informed Aunty Rubina and then I left. I got to the resort just before maghrib. I checked in and then went to my chalet. I called Faheema and told her where I was, she was glad that I’m doing something for myself. 
 
I got to bed early and woke up super early in the morning. I put my phone on silent and sent the resorts number to Rizwana and Faheema. I made a nice healthy breakfast for myself and then went into the shower. After that I went for a peaceful slow walk around the resort. 
 
It was so relaxing on my mind, I sat on a bench near the lake and let my thoughts run wild. I can’t believe how calming it was just to sit there alone, lost in my own world. No stress about anyone or any work. While sitting by the lake I met a beautiful bubbly lady. 
 
Her name is Mariam, she lives in mpumalanga, she was also alone at the resort. I thought she was on a business trip but she was on vacation. She also like me needed some time alone away from work and people. She is such a wonderful person, so positive and always smiling.
 
She invited me to join her for lunch, she said it’s nothing fancy just home food. I took her chalet number before I went back to my chalet. I remember bringing a dessert premix, so I quickly made the dessert and waited for it to set for an hour. Then I went to her chalet, her chalet was just three Chalets away from mine so I didn’t have to go too far.
 
Mariam said it’s nothing fancy but Shew she had three different dishes prepared. You wouldn’t believe she was alone she had food for a village. I asked her for how long she was staying and she said for the week only. She really had food items for a year. She said she likes having people over for meals so she always carry extra food. 
 
She told me a lot about herself, she is actually married. She takes a week away from her husband every 4 to 6 months. She says it’s a treat to herself, she says she works hard the whole year and deserves a break. I found it Strange, wouldn’t a husband and wife want time together on holidays.
 
Her husband is a very rich businessman, he hardly spends time with her, he hates taking vacations together that’s why she goes alone. I feel so bad for her, she doesn’t even show it. I guess she tries to keep herself busy with other things and people. That’s why she appreciates the company of other people.
 
While we were having lunch she told me about a flea market place that sells all sorts of things at very cheap prices. She said they even beat the China mall. I would like to see this. We made plans that we would go after lunch, so we cleared up and then left to the flea market.
 
As we walked we bought what we fancied, it was fun and we got things really cheap. We took our time to walk around so we didn’t get tired and we took note of a lot of things. Afterwards we went for ice cream and coffee at a nearby coffee shop. 
 
So I was curious, where does Mariam leave her children when she goes on these vacations, it bugged me for a while but I would never ask. As the day went along I spoke about children to see if she has any but I didn’t ask directly. She then told me that she wants to have children but her husband doesn’t want to.
 
It has been one of the major causes in them leading separate lives. Whenever they are together they end up arguing about it. I don’t know how she stays in such a relationship but she says she is happy. I guess because of financial stability she is just sticking with him.
I heard at our weekly get together about such marriages where the women have to make these compromises, just because they don’t have family support and financial support. In a way she is free because he gives her the money and then never bothers to see her again, but then she looses out on love and someone caring for her.

PART SEVENTY ONE

PART SEVENTY ONE 

Shuaib came back after 3 hours, he said they had to wait for Ahmed because he went out with a friend. I didn’t even know he had a friend in Jo’burg. Anyways he wasn’t too pleased to see Imraan and Shuaib. At first he asked them why they interfering in his personal matters. 
 
Shuaib told him when it comes to hurting me it has passed the personal level, he has to say what is wrong. Does he no longer want you be with me. Has he moved on and doesn’t know how to say it. Shuaib even told him he didn’t have to answer all that, all we want to know if he no longer wants to be with me. 
 
Shuaib told him we won’t ask anymore questions we will just go away and tell Saajidah to forget you and move on. At first he refused to give answers so Shuaib and Imraan walked away and were going to come back home but he stopped them and said that he still wants to be with me, he loves me a lot and can’t imagine separating from me. 
 
He said he can’t understand what to do, his mum is forcing him to bring me for eid and I don’t want to go. He mother told him that if I don’t go to them for eid he must choose between me and them. He can’t choose me over his family and he can’t choose his family over me.
 
So he decided to rather make me hate him and leave him, that way I wouldn’t hate his family and I wouldn’t blame them for breaking us up. I would blame him and move on. He felt it would be easier and it was working until everyone else for involved. 
 
Why did he come those few days after we fought, why did he come for the lunch. All this didn’t add up, Faheema said I was looking too much into it. Now what happens, I know why he did what he did but that doesn’t change anything. I will only forgive him if he comes himself to apologize and comes and says he wants us to be together.
 
He has really hurt me this time to an extent where I don’t know if I can forgive him, I know I will never be able to forget what he has done. He could of came to me and spoke to me about it, why hurt me. Is that how little respect and love he has for me. 
 
Shuaib said that I should forgive Ahmed and forget whatever happened. Think of it as a big tragedy that happened and now has passed. It’s not so easy, everyone will give advise but only if you the person hurt would you know. Maybe I need to take sometime to myself.
 
Faheema and Shuaib were staying over so we got take outs for supper, after supper Shuaib asked me what I was going to do, whether I was going to forgive Ahmed and accept Ahmed back which he knows is not easy or will I leave and move on. 
 
Faheema said,” ofcourse she will forgive him and accept him. After this No one should know about this.” I was more confused than ever. Didn’t know what to do. I just said that I need time to think. Maybe I should go away for a few days on my own, it will give me space and time to think. 
 
I was really exhausted so I went to bed just after 10. Faheema and Shuaib sat up and watched tv. They were leaving after breakfast so I woke up early and got breakfast ready for them and packed some snacks for the road. They woke up and got ready to go. 
 
While we were having breakfast someone knocked on the door. I thought it was Imraan so I said “I’m sure it’s Imraan, I’ll get the door.” I opened the door and Ahmed was standing there. I left the door open and walked away and went to my room. Shuaib told him to come in. 
 
Faheema came to the room and asked me what was wrong, Ahmed came to reconcile and ask for forgiveness and I don’t want to speak to him. She doesn’t realize that it’s not easy and it will take time. Faheema went back into the lounge and sent Ahmed to the room. 
 
I was sitting on my bed facing the window, he came and stood by the door. He knocked on the door,then he greeted and then just stood at the door. After a few minutes he came to me and sat on the floor by my side, he put his head on my lap and with tears in his eyes he  apologized for hurting my feelings. 
 
He said he didn’t know what to do and thought if he left me his mother would be happy. He didn’t expect me to get my family involved, he thought since I didn’t argue or come forward to solve the problem that it made it easier and that I would just move on. 
 
I asked him if that’s what he wants, does he want me to leave this relationship and move on. He said no, he just did all that because of pressure but he has realized he is miserable without me and his mother will just have to accept somethings. 
 
When I asked him what went wrong that his mum hates me so much that she doesn’t want us together, he said it has to do with his ex who is her best friends daughter. His mother never knew that he had a case against her and a restraining order. His mother found out from his sisters and now want him to leave me and be with his ex. 
 
I don’t understand what a kind of people they are, they pretend in front of my family and I, they come home to ask for my hand from my father, then they get us engaged and then suddenly don’t want us to be together. Why go through the whole process only to hurt people. 
 
Faheema and Shuaib decided they want to leave so they came to greet us and left us alone. I could see that Ahmed was remorseful and he wanted us to be together. He was just pressurized into something and he didn’t know how to handle it. I so much want to forgive him but how do I. 
 
I had to find a way to forgive him and forget what happened. How am I going to deal with his mother and sisters, he is so influenced by them that he does anything they say. How am I at fault for his actions against his ex. I never asked her to send me things and I never asked her to stalk me. 
 

I sat there on the bed with Ahmeds head on my lap, thinking this is one special moment but it’s spoilt because I can’t bring myself to forgiving him. He kept asking for my forgiveness, I just kept quiet everytime. How do I do this, do I just make like nothing happened. 

PART SEVENTY

PART SEVENTY

Today I had Reeza and Safiah coming over for lunch. The returned last night from honeymoon and we’re staying the weekend in Jo’burg before they went to Cape Town. I didn’t know if Ahmed was coming, I did tell him but after last night I doubt he would. 
 
I got my domestic to clean up while I prepared lunch and dessert for us. Ahmed came just after 12 o’clock, he helped sat the table and then he came to see if I needed help in the kitchen. He didn’t say much to me besides the necessary talking. I guess I had to just deal with it.
 
Safiah and Reeza arrived after Zohr, she looked so good and happy. They told us all about their honeymoon and what their plans were for the next week and eid. I was glad that she found someone that makes her happy. She deserves to be happy.
 
After lunch Safiah and I went to the kitchen, I was making tea while the men went outside for a smoke. First we just spoke about the usual things like work and household things. Then she asked so what’s happening with you and Ahmed. I so much wanted to tell her that things might be over for us but I didn’t say anything. 
 
I just told her that we were good, nothing really happening is still the same. Just then Ahmed and Reeza walked in, Reeza jokingly said ” you ladies talking about us me.” Ahmed just looked at me and then said ” I’m sure complaining about us.”
 
I ignored his sarcastic remark and served tea and desserts. Safiah and Reeza sat for a little while after tea and then left. After they left Ahmed wanted to help me clear up but I refused. He sat for a while and then I asked him to leave, him being around was nothing but torture for me. 
 
He expects me to act normal after his nasty remarks. I’m not going to put myself through that torture. He first didn’t want to leave and said we needed to sort this out but I didn’t want to hear anything. I was too upset and needed time to think. If he could pass a nasty comment like “maybe he needs to re-think,” then there’s something wrong in our relationship.
 
After I pleaded with him, he finally left but he said,” if I go I might not come back.” That just hit me so hard that I burst out crying. He heard me but just left without looking back. At that moment I knew things were over. I sat on the floor crying, Rizwana saw my door open so she came in. 
 
She tried to calm me down but I saw her and just started crying more. She phoned Imraan and told him to come to my place. Imraan asked me what happened and I told him while Rizwana cleaned up the tea dishes. Imraan left after I told him what happened, he didn’t say where he was going.
 
I sat in the lounge staring at the ceiling, hoping for a miracle. I can’t believe this is happening to me and for what because I don’t want to spend eid this year with his family. Maybe I should of just agreed but that would not solve the problem I’m faced with now. I was so silly, I fell in this relationship and put my all in it and Ahmed probably didn’t even care.
 
He probably just did what his mum told him too. This just makes me think if he ever cared, but I’m not going to doubt him because in our weak moments we so just that and it doesn’t allow us to see or think rationally. We then make the wrong decisions. 
 
Rizwana sat with me while she tried to get a hold of Imraan, we needed to know where he went. He didn’t answer our calls so after a while we stopped trying. I told Rizwana to go home but she refused and said she wasn’t leaving me alone when I need her. 
 
After a few hours Imraan came back, he said he went to see Ahmed so he could hear his side of the story and know what his up to. I asked him what Ahmed had to say but he refused to tell me. He said I should rest today and he would tell me tomorrow. How could he expect me to rest. 
 
I decided I was going to call my sister and have her tell me what I should do. Imraan and Rizwana went home and I called Faheema, I told her everything from the beginning. She said I shouldn’t worry she would sort it out. I didn’t know how but I trusted her more then anyone else.
 
I sat the rest of the day in my room, thinking and crying. I even messaged Ahmed to ask him what he wanted. I wanted to know if things were over between us. The sooner I knew the better, I would start moving on or working on what we have trying to get back what we had. 
 
All this is only possible if I know where I stand. Faheema messaged me to say that she and Shuaib would be in Jo’burg in the morning and will sort out everything. She said not to tell anyone that they were coming or about what happened because everyone will just worry. 
 
I couldn’t sleep the whole night I left the radio on and sat in bed making dua that everything gets sorted. I wasn’t ready to loose Ahmed, I can’t afford to loose the one man I love and adore with all my heart and soul. I didn’t want to give up hope, I needed to stay positive. 
 
In the morning I took a shower and got ready, I made breakfast for myself and waited for Faheema and Shuaib. Rizwana came to check on me, she waited with me for Faheema to come. We spoke about Ahmed and I, she said she couldn’t believe he was saying all those nasty things. 
 
Rizwana even suggested that his mother could be putting him up to all this just so I can change my mind about eid. Would a mother really do something so drastic that it could cost her son his relationship. I doubt Aunty Shenaaz is such a person, what does she have against me that she would stoop so low.
 
I was getting impatient, I couldn’t handle the waiting. Finally they arrived, Aunty Rubina cooked for us for lunch, so we sat immediately for lunch and then we sat and spoke. I told them everything from the beginning right until all his nasty comments and me messaging him last night.
 
Faheema was furious but Shuaib said that he would like to talk to Ahmed first so we called Imraan over so he could take Shuaib to Ahmed. Faheema and I wanted to go with but Shuaib refused and said we would just make things worst. I was so restless waiting for Shuaib to come back and tell us what happened. 
 
My mum called on Faheema’s phone and told her that they all want to come to Jo’burg for eid because they don’t want to leave me alone. Faheema explained to my mum that it wasn’t a good idea. It would just create more problems for Ahmed and I. 
 
After a while she agreed and then Faheema cut the call because she couldn’t hold back anymore. She started crying, saying why am i being out through all this agony. She doesn’t know how to help me and hopes that Shuaib going there to talk to Ahmed doesn’t make matters worst.