I waited the whole day hoping that Ahmed would come home but he didn’t. Saibah was asleep so I took her upstairs and put her down in her cot. I still had some hope that Ahmed would come home so I sat up reading my book, I woke up with the book on my chest and to a crying Saibah. I fed her and then went to see if Ahmed was in one of the other rooms but he wasn’t. I tried calling him but only got his voicemail.

I couldn’t go back to sleep, I am worried, I don’t know where he is or what I should do. I sat on my bed with my head in my hands and tears filling in my hands. I don’t know what’s going through Ahmed’s mind, the only reason I think he is acting this way is because of Asad. Few hours later I hear the door open, I look at the time, it’s 7am. Saibah was still asleep so I left her upstairs and ran down.

It’s Ahmed, I run and hug him, he pushes me away and goes upstairs. I stand there like a statue, disheartened, I was happy to see him but he definitely was not. I followed him upstairs, he can’t ignore me for long, for how long is this going to be a problem. I get his breakfast ready and prepare lunch for him. He has meetings at the office today so I know he is going to be busy, I pack fruits and some yoghurt.

He came down for breakfast and again without saying anything to me he left. He didn’t even look at me or Saibah. My poor baby is now in the middle of this fight which frankly I don’t even know why we fighting. I hate fighting, it’s always exhausting. I sat at home watching tv and taking care of Saibah the whole day. I hear a car pull up the driveway, I checked through the window and it was Ahmed.

He was earlier then I thought he would be. He walked in, came to the lounge, kissed Saibah on her forehead and went to the study, He didn’t say a word to me. I sent Thandi to call him for dinner, he came down, sat at the table, ate his dinner and went back upstairs. I cleared up and then went upstairs, I put Saibah to sleep and then tried to speak to Ahmed. He didn’t let me in the study, I sat on the floor begging him to open but he just wouldn’t.

I woke up this morning still on the floor by the study door. Ahmed didn’t come out of the room as yet, I got up and checked on Saibah and then got ready went downstairs and made breakfast. I waited two hours before Ahmed could come down, he left without having breakfast. I couldn’t live like this everyday so I invited Sabiha out for shopping and lunch. I got Saibah ready and picked Sabiha up.

We went to sandton to do some retail therapy and then had lunch at Europa. I got home just a little after 3pm, Ahmed was already home. Nomsa said he was in our room. I left Saibah with her and went to up to see Ahmed. He was sitting on the chair in the room, looking out of the window. I asked him if he was okay, why he was home so early. He looked at me as if I did something wrong.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked warily.

“Where have you been? I’ve been waiting since lunch time.”

“I went out with Sabiha, you were not home these few days and I can’t wait around for you to decide you want to talk to me.”

“Ofcourse you can’t because you need to be elsewhere.”

“What’s that suppose to mean?”

“Like you don’t know.”

“I don’t, please tell me what’s wrong, what have I done for you to treat me like this?”

“Don’t act naive. You know I’m talking about you and Asad.”

“What about Asad and I? He is my past and you are my present and future. Why is he even in our conversation? This is between you and I.”

“I saw how he looked at you at Irshaad’s house.”

“Jaan he looked at me, I didn’t look at him. I have no interest in him. I love you and only you.”

“Not what he said. He told me that you two still chat.”

“And instead of talking to me about it, you would rather believe him.”

I walked out of the room and went downstairs to get started on dinner. I made cheddermelt steak, with mushroom sauce and creamy spinach. It relaxed me to cook, gave me time to cool down and to think as well. I can’t believe that instead of asking me Ahmed would rather listen to lies. What was Asad even thinking, the last I remember he was getting married, so why is he making trouble for me.

We didn’t say anything to each other at dinner. He ate and then went to watch tv in the lounge. My mother-in-law called and asked  what we decided, if we would be coming for eid or not. He told her that we would be there for supper and the weekend. A few days go by and we haven’t said a word to each other. We now 2 days away from eid, we suppose to be leaving today to my parents but I don’t see that happening. Maybe I should go on my own and just make an excuse for Ahmed.

I am so exhausted with all this fighting, it’s so silly if you think about it. I packed our bags and waited for some sort of indication from Ahmed on what we were doing. Ahmed left again this morning without breakfast so we didn’t talk again. I messaged him to find out if we were going to my parent’s or not. If we didn’t go my parent’s would worry so I needed to call them if we were not going.

He told me to go on my own which really hurt. I didn’t expect him to not come with me, I didn’t think things were so bad. I contemplated whether to go without him or not. I called my mum to let her know that Ahmed had work to do and I didn’t want to leave without him so we will maybe leave tomorrow. I waited again like I did everyday for the past week and when he came home he went up to his study as usual and didn’t come out.

I left our bags packed, I had no energy to unpack and definitely was not in the mood. Saibah got a bit feverish this afternoon so I took her to her paediatrician. I didn’t bother to tell Ahmed although he was home because I figured he didn’t care. When I got back I saw him putting our bags in the car. I was not travelling with my baby who has a fever. I ignored him and took Saibah upstairs, I gave her the medication her doctor prescribed and made her sleep.

Ahmed came up to call me, he said we were leaving to my parent’s now. I told him about Saibah being sick and that I didn’t want to go anywhere for eid, I just want to stay home. He insisted that we go otherwise I would loose out on going to see my family and he will be going to his family. I was angry that he didn’t care that Saibah was sick and would just leave her in this condition and go see his family, so I told him to go to his family and leave us alone.

I heard the front door closing and the car driving off so I assumed he had left. I sat there crying and questioning why this was happening to me. I had done nothing to deserve this and my baby definitely doesn’t deserve this. I sat by Saibah’s side for a few hours, her fever would not go down, it just increased, her doctor came to see her and had her admitted to hospital. I tried calling Ahmed but he wouldn’t answer.

I called Sabiha and Shiraaz, they were the only people I could think off, they came immediately to the hospital. Shiraaz kept trying Ahmed but he switched his phone off. I called my parent’s and told them that we wouldn’t be coming for eid and that Saibah was in hospital. I never mentioned anything about Ahmed not being here.


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