PART HUNDRED AND THIRTY NINE
The week passed by so quick and here it was the long weekend. My family are all coming over today, it is also Ahmeds cousins engagement. He doesn’t know if he must go or not, he is feeling bad because my family are all coming over, my mum has been here with us all this time and now when she is leaving he won’t be around, the function is happening in Pretoria so he will have to stay in Pretoria for the weekend.
I told him to go otherwise his mum would make an issue about it but as usual he doesn’t care what she is going to think. Everyone finally arrives and our weekend begins. Ahmed decided that he didn’t want to go to the engagement and his reason to his mother is because his choti khala is not invited. I am totally against him lying because he is in a way also using his aunty whether just by name or literally but it’s the same.
Everyone has been enjoying themselves by the pool and around Saibah. It’s been great having everyone over, I like when we all together, we make special memories. My mum hasn’t told us as yet what is so important. I haven’t really asked her because she gets annoyed when everyone asks her. Ahmeds mother called him today to find out if he was going to the engagement.
They were going and wanted to meet him there. He didn’t tell his mother that he is not going because of his choti khala but he told her the truth and also that he hopes that they will come see Saibah and I since they have the energy to go to the engagement. He is really upset that his parents and siblings haven’t been to see Saibah. She is already a month and 9 days old and they haven’t even asked about her.
I have learnt not to expect anything from your inlaws. They only good to you when they need something, otherwise you the one they bad mouth to others. No matter how much you do for them they never appreciate it. You lucky if you get inlaws that love you as their own and who appreciate what you do. At the end of all that you do, all you want is a thank you.
I know this from experience, everytime my mother-in-law got sick I was there for her. But the rest of the family taunted me and spoke behind my back that Ahmed and I don’t want to look after her and don’t want to keep her in our house. They didn’t have the courage to come to my face and say things. What people don’t see is how you were treated from the day you stepped foot into their family.
I bet if I had another sister-in-law and she took care of Ahmeds mother, she would of been treated like a queen. We have had so many problems with my inlaws yet I have always maintained a good face on my side but you won’t hear about that, all you will hear is how bad I am. I now decided to only bother with those who genuinely care and don’t put on a mask when they infront of me. Unlike Ahmed, it doesn’t trouble me, I guess because I don’t care.
Today my mum wants to discuss her important news. We invited Raeesa and her parents over for lunch and then after that my mum will tell us everything. This morning I get a call from Ahmeds mother, she wanted to know from me if I was stopping Ahmed from attending his cousins engagement. I don’t want to create any problems so I told her it is best if she discussed it with her son.
I have given up on trying to please them and I don’t care want they think of me. Anyways we all had a lovely lunch and then my mum made us all gather in the lounge. My mums big news is she wants Ziyaad and Yaseen to move out of the house, she feels that two daughter-in-laws can’t stay in the same house because they will constantly fight.
Humeira said that she and Ziyaad were not leaving my parents and moving out, they have been married a few months now and have had no problems. They have worked together on everything, my mum and her share responsibilities in the house. Ziyaad also said he doesn’t want to move out, they are happy living with my parents. Raeesas father suggested that she and Yaseen move out if Humeira and Ziyaad are not moving out.
He also feels that his daughter won’t be able to live with my mother, as he put it my mum has her own ways and are set in her ways, so she might not like how Raeesa does things. Yaseen said that he doesn’t want to move, he feels they should try and stay with my parents first and then if they feel they can’t stay together they will move on their own. Faheema and I had nothing to say because we didn’t want to get involved.
At the end when the daughter-in-laws are fighting, we don’t want anyone to point fingers at us and then we the bad ones. Ahmed and Shuaib also didn’t say anything, my dad asked Raeesa what she wanted and she said she is with Yaseen on this, she prefers to try and know them not try and wonder. My parents are independant and can do things for themselves, so even if they both move out, my parents will manage.
Why is it always an issue, inlaws are always deemed as bad, yes I agree some do treat their daughter-in-laws bad and I am witness to it, I’ve been going through it for almost a year but there are good inlaws out there. Inlaws who treat their daughter-in-laws good do exist, this coming from someone who has never been treated well by her inlaws. I’ve seen my parents and others also treat their daughter-in-laws well.
I don’t know what lead my mum to take such a decision without discussing it with my dad. Only she knows what’s going through her mind, I know she did mention to me once that she was afraid that the relationship she and Humeira have will change once Raeesa comes in the house. I told her that her relationship wouldn’t change but she should not expect the same relationship from Raeesa.
Firstly Raeesa doesn’t know my parents the way Humeira does. Humeira has an advantage because she grew up around my parents, for Raeesa it’s a totally strange surrounding and a totally new relationship. Maybe they need to just try it out, have Raeesa live with them for a few months and if they not happy or she is not happy they can have them move on their own.
I don’t think they should be forced to live with each other if they are unhappy but also they shouldn’t make that decision on assumption. Most of the times what we assume is not what it really is, our assumptions over cloud our thinking. Sometimes we need to try before we give up. It will be an adjustment for all of them, they will now have to consider another persons feeling and ways.
Time, time will reveal all, from what we know about Raeesa and her family, I hope she fits in. Her dad is strict with everything, she always agrees to what he says. I agree with obeying your parents but to an extent. If your parents are wrong, you don’t agree with them. That might be our biggest problem, her parents interfering and causing problems.
Her father is always trying to enforce his decisions on my parents. He has been doing so even before Yaseen and Raeesa got engaged. He wanted everything his way and even for the wedding, he wants everything his way. My mum gets upset because she feels we always jumping to their tunes.