I woke up at 4 this morning with cramps,  I didn’t know what they were but said I would speak to my doctor in the morning. She did explain to me that minor cramps are usual so i didn’t worry to much, I tried to ignore it but it only got worst. I called Sabiha and was rushed to hospital. Sabiha and Shiraaz called all my family, they left immediately, they couldn’t get hold of Ahmed or anyone in his family.

His aunty said she will try continuosly to call them. A few hours later our beautiful baby girl was born,  my family were all around baby and I, my husband was no where to be seen. My parents were furious, especially my mum. She was happy I was okay but was angry at why I didn’t tell her that Ahmed was still not home. How was I suppose to know my baby was in a hurry to see her family.

Finally Ziyaad got through to Ahmed,  he said he would leave immediately. I called him back and told him that baby and I were okay and all my family were here, if he wanted he could stay with his mother but he refused. My mum was furiated that I even suggested he stay with his mother when I needed him. The nurse chased everyone one out, so they all left the hospital.

The doctor said I would probably be discharged within 24 hours so I told everyone not to stress and come early. I needed to get some rest as well, I knew no one would of heard me or should I say listened to me. They were there first thing in the morning to give me breakfast. My mum sent Humeira and Ziyaad with Sojee porridge. The doctor was here earlier and said I could go home later today.

I thought Ahmed would be around, but Ziyaad said he wasn’t taking their calls. Maybe he is driving so he is not answering, it is a few hours away and if he didn’t leave immediately and rather waited for this morning then he will still be on the road. I didn’t stress about it, he will be here when his here. Humeira and Ziyaad go check on Saibah, Ahmed arrived just in time so Humeira and Ziyaad could take him to see our beautiful baby Saibah.

Ahmed and I had chosen two names,  one if we had a boy and one if we had a girl. When he got back he kept saying sorry for not being with me. He said he just didn’t feel like leaving his mother, only if you see how she is you would of told me to stay,he said. So he didn’t want to come, I did tell him to stay when I called him last night, but he said he wanted to come.

I never once made him feel guilty for not being around. I never mentioned it to him or anyone else for that matter, although I did feel at times like last night when I was in pain and needed his help and while giving birth that he should of been around. He makes like we more important but at the end shows me that his family weigh more than I do in his life. It doesn’t  bother me as long as he knows when to be there for me.

Anyways, Ahmed speaks to the doctor and has me discharged, I asked him what was the rush, the doctor said she would come around 3pm and have my discharge papers. Humeira helped me pack my things and the nurse brought Saibah. Soon we were home, everyone was happy to have us home. My mum was surprised I got discharged so soon because I just spoke to her after I saw the doctor and told her I would be home by the afternoon.

I spent the rest of the morning resting while everyone fussed over Saibah. We didn’t tell anyone as yet that I was home otherwise I wouldn’t of gotten any rest. After lunch everyone left , Ahmed and I got to spend some time alone with Saibah. Well she was sleeping all the time so we rather spent some time together. After what Ahmed said at the hospital about not wanting to leave his mother, I was left feeling unsettled and strange.

I suggested to Ahmed that he should go back to his mother. My mum was staying for a few days, Sabiha is around and he didn’t need to stay around. I also told him that I never forced him to come, if he felt he should of stayed by his mothers side then he should of. My family were just informing him that I was in labour and then called him to tell him Saibah was born.

Ahmed said he wasn’t saying that he didn’t want to be with us but he felt it difficult to leave his mum and his dad also. I understand that, but it’s not necessary to try to make me feel guilty or bad that he had to leave his family. I’m not even at fault, not like I said let me show him and give birth sooner.  Men I tell you, sometimes they impossible. I can’t believe that this is suppose to be a special time for us and here we arguing.

I decide not to upset myself anymore and just concentrate on my mommy moments that are special to me. At the moment it makes no difference if Ahmed is here or not. This evening was exhausting, all my and Ahmeds family that are in Lenz came to see us. My poor family had their hands full entertaining everyone. My inlaws haven’t called me once to even congratulate me or find out how Saibah and I are doing.

I know they running up and down to the hospital but between visiting hours they can make atleast one call. I don’t even mention about this to Ahmed, he won’t be bothered. My mum is busy making preparations for tomorrow, all my dads family are coming over and my bestie Zinat and Sameer.

When we got to bed, there’s complete silence, Saibah is asleep and I’m  pretending to be busy with my phone. Ahmed asked if I was upset, just then Saibah woke up for her feed. I went to attend to her and left Ahmed sitting on the bed waiting for a reply. I sat on the rocking chair feeding Saibah and Ahmed starts taking photos of us. I tell him to stop, all annoyed and irritated by him, I look up and see tears in Ahmeds eyes.

I ask him if he’s okay, he looks at me and goes down on to his knees and says, “I’m so sorry for not being there for you, I can’t believe I missed the birth of my daughter and then instead of making up for it, I made you feel as if you were at fault, seeing you both now made me realise how lucky I am and what a blunder I’ve done?”

I can’t get up because I’m still feeding Saibah, I grab his hand and tell him to forget it all and just enjoy the moments with our princess. Humeira and Ziyaad knock on the door, she had a bag in her hand, they had brought gifts, not only for Saibah but for Ahmed and I as well. It was so sweet of them, Humeira is adjusting so well in our family, you can see they so happy together.

After they leave and I am done feeding Saibah, Ahmed and I get into bed and talk. He thinks I was upset because he was not around. I was never upset at him not being around, if he was on his China trip and I gave birth it would of been the same. I was upset at what he said to me at the hospital and it took him a whole day to figure it out.


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