PART HUNDRED AND THIRTEEN
Two weeks have gone by, we’ve passed Christmas,almost at new year and still no word from Ahmed. I decide that enough is enough, I can’t let my new year start off like this. Imraan called me the other day and said that Ahmed left the house keys by them and has moved out. He took all his belongings and left. I should off guessed that things were over between us when I heard that.
I guess it was hope that was keeping me from accepting it. Hope that he would call and we would sort out things. I have to make a decision what I want to do next. The big question hits me, Is divorce my next step? My friend is a lawyer, maybe he can sort things out for me faster. I don’t want a long battle, I really don’t have the energy for it and I’m not willing to have this end badly.
Everyone is here for the holidays, even Faheema and her family. I miss Ahmed in all the fun everyone is having. I have to face it, it’s over. He is not willing to make an effort, when I do try, all he does is shut me out. In these past few weeks I’ve sent him so many messages and called so many times trying to make things work between us. He is just not interested.
This morning at breakfast, I break the news to my family. Obviously no one is happy, But they all understand why I have taken this decision. My Dadi is heart broken, she always said Ahmed is special. Soon everyone in our family hears the bad news. Everyone comes over to see if I’m okay. I’m not, but have to put on a brave face and show them I’m okay.
Tomorrow is New years so I can’t get anything done. I will have to wait a week at least until things can begin. I will start with speaking to my friend Zunaid. He will direct me from here, what needs to be done to file a divorce and the procedure. I spoke to Zunaid and he has a friend who is a judge in the high court, he can get our case pushed forward and that way we won’t be dragged into a long process. I call Ahmed to tell him what I’ve decided.
Me: Assalaamualaikum, How are you?
Ahmed: Wasalaam, okay and you?
Me: Alhamdulillah. I have something to tell you.
Ahmed: Okay, what is it?
Me: I’ve decided to file for divorce, it’s been a few weeks and our issue hasn’t resolved and I have no hope of it resolving. So it’s unnecessary to keep waiting for something that’s never going to happen.
Ahmed cut the call, he didn’t say anything about my decision. I knew then that I’ve made the right decision. I’m upset that Ahmed cut the call, maybe he is shocked that I took such a decision. He expect me to forgive him and go back to him even if he doesn’t say anything to me. How long am I going to stay in a relationship where there’s no communication.
Everybody is so sad and down because of the divorce. I am trying to avoid everyone so I spend most of my day in the room. I pretend to be asleep when someone comes to check on me. I haven’t eaten all day and haven’t slept for a few days. I feel betrayed, I’m hurt, most of all disappointed in Ahmed. I expected that he will come forward and sort things out, I expected that when I called him with the news that I was filing for a divorce he would say more than just cutting the call.
Maybe I expected a lot and that’s why I’m being disappointed. They say “Expectations lead to disappointments.” The next few days are spent the same, sitting in the room not eating, not sleeping. My mum came this morning to check on me, I was on the floor unconscious. My mum scream for my dad and brothers. The doctor was called and I was rushed to hospital.
My Dad called Ahmed to tell him I’m in hospital. My mum told me he was outside, he never came in to see me. I found it strange, he drove all this way and never came to see me. I asked to see him but he didn’t come in. Everyone left after the visiting hours and I was left alone. I felt so lonely, the nurses are good but they not really company.
Doctors were not ready to discharge me so I had to stay another night. In the evening, all my family and Zinat and her parents came to see me. Zinat said that Ahmed was here, but again he didn’t come in to see me. I asked Zinat to ask him to stay after everyone left, I want to see him. Maybe he avoided seeing me because we do have our issues which are not sorted and there are quite a lot of people here.
After everyone left, Ahmed came into the room. He couldn’t avoid me now because I made it known to him that I knew he was here and I wanted to see him. He sat on the chair near the door, he looked down all the time, he didn’t say a word to me. I greeted him, he replied, I asked how he was, he replied. He never asked about me or said anything else.
The nurse came to say visiting hours are over and I asked her to give us 30 minutes, we have something to sort out.
Me: So, What have you been up too?
Ahmed: Nothing really. Taken time to clear my head and think.
Me: Think about?
Ahmed: About us, about your decision.
Me: I heard you moved out, you didn’t have to move out.
Ahmed: Yeah I did, I just felt it’s your place and it didn’t feel right being there when you not there, the house was empty, I don’t want a divorce.
I didn’t expect that. If he doesn’t want a divorce, why didn’t he say before. There’s so much of silence between us, it’s like we are total strangers. I feel like saying I’m sorry and hope that everything would be okay. If I do that, I will be accepting the way I’m treated and the way he behaves. It would not be solving anything.
We’ve have to come to some conclusion, if not divorce then we both have to be willing to make this marriage work not a one sided effort. The nurse comes to tell is that time is up. We haven’t even sorted half of anything out. Before Ahmed leaves I tell him to come in the morning visiting hours, I will tell my family not to come, so we can discuss things.
Ahmed agrees, I called my mum and told her not to come, I arranged with the nurses in the morning not to let anyone besides Ahmed to visit. I need to get my life in order. It’s 11am, Ahmed is here, so are my doctors. My doctor says they need to keep me here for longer, they need to do more tests. I don’t understand for what because I came here because I was unconscious due to stress.
Ahmed hears everything the doctor says, he tells me that we should talk later. I refused and demanded we sort things out otherwise I won’t do any further tests and will discharge myself. Ahmed obviously gives in, he agrees to stay until things are sorted.
Ahmed: Look I love you, I don’t want to loose you. I know the problem is with me, I take out my stress on you. I can’t handle the fact that my family hates you and it makes it worst when they send me messages talking bad about you. I want them to accept you, love you, respect you, I have to deal with the fact that they may never do what I want. I am going to cut ties with my family, because until they are in my life you can’t be in my life and if you in my life they don’t make it a easy life. I know you don’t really want a divorce, you only said that so that you could free me and then I could be with my family. You see the problem is I can live without them but can’t live without you.
Ahmed was so emotional and didn’t want to hear anything from me. He said what he had to and then told me he would be back in the evening to hear what I had to say. The rest of the day I spent with doctors and nurses, blood tests and some test I don’t even know what they are for. I receive a message from. Ahmed,’I love you, can’t wait to see you tonight, what you up to?’
‘Love and miss you too. Doctor is here, he actually wants to speak to you and the rest of the family. They not saying much to me,’ I replied. Ahmed was worried, he called the doctor immediately to find out what is wrong.