PART NINETY SIX
Two days have gone by, Ahmed returns to South Africa today. We have set up a meeting at his apartment, His parents were staying at his apartment so I was a bit confused as to why he would want to meet there. I agreed but I was very sceptical, I didn’t know whether I should take my parents with or not.
When I got there, Ahmed was alone, he said he told his parents to go back home I was so nervous, I had butterflies in my stomach, like i was meeting him for the first time. It was quite awkward at first, we both were like strangers. There were a few minutes of silence and then I couldn’t handle it.
I got up and told Ahmed that I couldn’t do this, I felt so uncomfortable, I just wanted to run away. Ahmed was shocked at first but he stopped me from leaving. He said that we have to sort out our problems, I told Ahmed that I needed time. I have heard all the stories before so I don’t think there’s anything to discuss.
Ahmed was a bit disappointed that I didn’t say I want us to be back together and he can move back with me. He was expecting things to work out, but I don’t think he understands how I feel. He keeps telling me to make him understand how I feel but how do I do that.
Before I could leave, Ahmed asked me how much time did I need. I told him I don’t know, I would let him know when I was ready. When I got home I told my parents what happened and then I told them that they should go back home. They couldn’t stay with me forever and I need to move on, them being around just reminds me that there is a problem.
My dad said they would go back tomorrow, I know they feel bad for me but I can’t hold them back. I know my brothers can’t manage without my mum and my dad needs to get back to his shop. Today is Thursday, so it’s also our get together day. My mum asked if I was sure I wanted to go, she thought if Ahmed was there, it would be awkward.
I haven’t seen my friends in a long time so I wanted to go. I told Imraan to let me know when they were going so I could join them. Faheema and Shuaib called and said that Ahmed had called them and asked them for help. He wants to work things out and he is afraid because I asked for time that he might lose me.
I understand his feelings,i myself am very afraid of the outcome of our relationship. We barely married for a month and we already having problems. I knew his family would cause problems but nothing so drastic. Faheema asked me why do I need the time, it’s either I want to be with him or not.
She said I have to decide soon, I can’t lead him on and at the end say it’s over. She doesn’t understand it’s not that easy. After my call with her, I went with Imraan and them to the community meet up. It was so nice to see all my friends, everyone heard what happened with Ahmed and I, so it was a bit strange to be around everyone.
I went to my usual Islamic lecture and then went to catch up with friends in the chat room. Imraan came to me in the chat room and said Ahmed was also here, he was playing soccer with his friends. Imraan thought I might want to go home knowing Ahmed is around. We can’t stop going places out of the fear of meeting each other.
He is still my husband and it’s not like I hate him, I still love him as much as I did before, It’s just that we not together now. I didn’t know that Ahmed was friends with my friend Sabiha’s husband Shiraaz. Shiraaz came with Ahmed to the chat room, he was looking for Sabiha. Ahmed and Shiraaz came up to us.
It was so uncomfortable, Sabiha offered them to join us, Shiraaz Suggested we play a board game. They decided on scrabble in pairs, since we were eight of us. Ahmed and I were on the same team, I feel everyone is trying to get Ahmed and I to speak to each other. I don’t blame them, our friend circle is the same.
After we played, everyone decided to go out for coffee, I didn’t want to go with, but I didn’t want Imraans evening to get spoilt so I asked his friend Irshad, who was also going home. We live in the same complex so he didn’t mind. Ahmed didn’t like the idea so he offered to take me home.
I didn’t want him to feel bad so I agreed, I don’t know how my parents would react to him dropping me off. When we got home, he asked if he could come in to greet my parents. I first said I don’t think it’s a good idea, but then I thought, what if my parents thought, he didn’t want to come in.
So I let him come in to greet them, my dad told him to stay for tea. I was quite surprised at how my parents reacted towards Ahmed. I guess, because he still is their son-in-law so they can’t be rude towards him. Besides that my parents are not that type, they never treat people badly.
My dad and Ahmed were talking as if nothing was wrong. It bothered me a bit, I can’t understand how they can be so normal with each other. Then it hit me, if Ahmed and I did get back together, will that awkwardness be there? Maybe I should decide what I want soon before that awkwardness brings a bigger gap between us.
After Ahmed left, I went to my room. I started to think about our current situation. Today made me realise I might be making a mistake by prolonging my decision. I have to really think about this and if possible come up with a decision. If I make my decision by the weekend, I would like my parents to be around.
So I told my parents to stay until the weekend, it was senseless going home on a Friday, they would have to wait until after Jummah and then they just going to be tired. My dad said they would leave on Saturday after breakfast. I had until then to decide, I now was rushing myself into a decision.
I know I don’t want to lose Ahmed, so I know I want us to get back together, I am just confused as to whether it’s a good decision or not. I keep thinking what if something like this happens again. Will I be able to handle something like this again. I have my doubts but I have to take a chance.
I think Ahmed deserves a second chance and I have to trust that he has learnt a lesson from all of this and won’t repeat such a mistake. We all make mistakes, some more then others but at the end we all deserve a second chance.