Shuaib came back after 3 hours, he said they had to wait for Ahmed because he went out with a friend. I didn’t even know he had a friend in Jo’burg. Anyways he wasn’t too pleased to see Imraan and Shuaib. At first he asked them why they interfering in his personal matters. 
Shuaib told him when it comes to hurting me it has passed the personal level, he has to say what is wrong. Does he no longer want you be with me. Has he moved on and doesn’t know how to say it. Shuaib even told him he didn’t have to answer all that, all we want to know if he no longer wants to be with me. 
Shuaib told him we won’t ask anymore questions we will just go away and tell Saajidah to forget you and move on. At first he refused to give answers so Shuaib and Imraan walked away and were going to come back home but he stopped them and said that he still wants to be with me, he loves me a lot and can’t imagine separating from me. 
He said he can’t understand what to do, his mum is forcing him to bring me for eid and I don’t want to go. He mother told him that if I don’t go to them for eid he must choose between me and them. He can’t choose me over his family and he can’t choose his family over me.
So he decided to rather make me hate him and leave him, that way I wouldn’t hate his family and I wouldn’t blame them for breaking us up. I would blame him and move on. He felt it would be easier and it was working until everyone else for involved. 
Why did he come those few days after we fought, why did he come for the lunch. All this didn’t add up, Faheema said I was looking too much into it. Now what happens, I know why he did what he did but that doesn’t change anything. I will only forgive him if he comes himself to apologize and comes and says he wants us to be together.
He has really hurt me this time to an extent where I don’t know if I can forgive him, I know I will never be able to forget what he has done. He could of came to me and spoke to me about it, why hurt me. Is that how little respect and love he has for me. 
Shuaib said that I should forgive Ahmed and forget whatever happened. Think of it as a big tragedy that happened and now has passed. It’s not so easy, everyone will give advise but only if you the person hurt would you know. Maybe I need to take sometime to myself.
Faheema and Shuaib were staying over so we got take outs for supper, after supper Shuaib asked me what I was going to do, whether I was going to forgive Ahmed and accept Ahmed back which he knows is not easy or will I leave and move on. 
Faheema said,” ofcourse she will forgive him and accept him. After this No one should know about this.” I was more confused than ever. Didn’t know what to do. I just said that I need time to think. Maybe I should go away for a few days on my own, it will give me space and time to think. 
I was really exhausted so I went to bed just after 10. Faheema and Shuaib sat up and watched tv. They were leaving after breakfast so I woke up early and got breakfast ready for them and packed some snacks for the road. They woke up and got ready to go. 
While we were having breakfast someone knocked on the door. I thought it was Imraan so I said “I’m sure it’s Imraan, I’ll get the door.” I opened the door and Ahmed was standing there. I left the door open and walked away and went to my room. Shuaib told him to come in. 
Faheema came to the room and asked me what was wrong, Ahmed came to reconcile and ask for forgiveness and I don’t want to speak to him. She doesn’t realize that it’s not easy and it will take time. Faheema went back into the lounge and sent Ahmed to the room. 
I was sitting on my bed facing the window, he came and stood by the door. He knocked on the door,then he greeted and then just stood at the door. After a few minutes he came to me and sat on the floor by my side, he put his head on my lap and with tears in his eyes he  apologized for hurting my feelings. 
He said he didn’t know what to do and thought if he left me his mother would be happy. He didn’t expect me to get my family involved, he thought since I didn’t argue or come forward to solve the problem that it made it easier and that I would just move on. 
I asked him if that’s what he wants, does he want me to leave this relationship and move on. He said no, he just did all that because of pressure but he has realized he is miserable without me and his mother will just have to accept somethings. 
When I asked him what went wrong that his mum hates me so much that she doesn’t want us together, he said it has to do with his ex who is her best friends daughter. His mother never knew that he had a case against her and a restraining order. His mother found out from his sisters and now want him to leave me and be with his ex. 
I don’t understand what a kind of people they are, they pretend in front of my family and I, they come home to ask for my hand from my father, then they get us engaged and then suddenly don’t want us to be together. Why go through the whole process only to hurt people. 
Faheema and Shuaib decided they want to leave so they came to greet us and left us alone. I could see that Ahmed was remorseful and he wanted us to be together. He was just pressurized into something and he didn’t know how to handle it. I so much want to forgive him but how do I. 
I had to find a way to forgive him and forget what happened. How am I going to deal with his mother and sisters, he is so influenced by them that he does anything they say. How am I at fault for his actions against his ex. I never asked her to send me things and I never asked her to stalk me. 

I sat there on the bed with Ahmeds head on my lap, thinking this is one special moment but it’s spoilt because I can’t bring myself to forgiving him. He kept asking for my forgiveness, I just kept quiet everytime. How do I do this, do I just make like nothing happened. 


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s