Today I woke up feeling much better so I decided to go to work. I had a lot of catching up to do, I had three days pending work and I had and audit today. I finished most of my work and then went to the clients company for the audit. 
I finished off at 5pm and then headed straight home. I cooked supper quickly and tidied up a bit before Ahmed could come home. I was wishing he didn’t bring up eid. We sat and spoke about how we would want our lives to be after marriage. 
I made it clear to him that we will keep a full time domestic, there’s no way I’m picking up after him. Then he wants a separate room for his work things, so we made a deal we would separate one room into two sections, one will be for his work and the other for my work. 
We will have to compromise on cupboard space because we both have a lot of clothing. Then we went to the heated topic of holidays and family time. I said we should go on small trips at least three times in the year and one proper holiday. 
Ahmed feels we should have one proper holiday every three to four years and we can have one long weekend trip away. His idea of a long weekend trip away is at his parents place. I feel that’s so unfair, what about my parents… I also need to see them. 
After getting no where I said think about it and then we will come to a decision. I had a plan that’s why I put the topic off for a while. I messaged Imraan and told him that I needed his help. Ahmed usually agrees to things Imraan says so I’m sure he will agree this time and I will win. 
Imraan and Rizwana came over and then we started this conversation again. Imraan said it’s fair that you go on weekend trips at least three times a year and one major holidays for a week or two every year, strangely Ahmed agreed. I was only taking a chance. 
Then Imraan said to Ahmed,” bro you can’t expect my cuz to sit at your parents for a long weekend and she doesn’t get to go home, it must be fair. So one month you visit her parents, one month you visit your parents, both are happy.” 
I thought Ahmed would flip but he said Imraan was right, I was shocked. Thanks to my fast thinking I got what I wanted. Then he brought up the eid topic and I quickly said, eid-ul-fitr by my parents and eid-ul-adha at your parents, Rizwana knew what happened so she quickly said “I think that’s fair.”
Ahmed just gave me a stern look and I could see he was upset. I didn’t want to give in so I just kept quiet and got up to make tea. After tea Ahmed just got up and left without even telling me. I have no energy for anymore fights so I’m just going to let this one go and when he is ready he will come around. 
I’m not going to approach him and try and fix anything this time. I always end up doing so and I am always on the loosing end. I’m not giving in on the eid decision, as it is I’m looking out on the eid that’s coming up. Imraan and Rizwana also left after Ahmed. 
I changed into my pjs and got into bed, I am so upset at how childish Ahmed is acting. I can’t believe he won’t give in and expects me to spend all my free time with his family, like my family means nothing to him. I sat on my bed thinking about all the times we had arguments and how everytime I had to give in. 
Maybe he is expecting me to do the same this time. I have to be firm and not give in so easily, I need to win this one. Just before I could sleep Ahmed messaged me and said that he is very upset that I can’t see his point and that he is very disappointed in me for not agreeing to his decision. 
I didn’t reply to his message because I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to make matters worst. I just laid in bed thinking about his hurtful words while tears rolled down my cheek. I can’t complain to anyone because I don’t want anyone to get involved in our personal problems. 
I don’t want my parents to also find out because it would just hurt them. I cried myself to sleep and woke up with a headache. I dragged myself to get ready for work, my day went terrible work. I felt lousy the whole day, I just wanted to go home. The worst was that I had to go back to our client, I wasn’t in the comfort of my own office. 
I got home and just went straight to lay down. I was in no mood to cook and I knew Ahmed wouldn’t come for supper after last night. I messaged Rizwana and told her I’m not well and I’m going to bed, I took pain tablets and went straight to bed. 
I heard a knock on the door but I was too exhausted and sleepy to wake up so I just stayed in bed. Then my phone rang, it was Ahmed, he was outside and Rizwana heard him knock so she told him I’m asleep because I’m not well. He wanted me to open for him, I wanted to refuse but I felt bad so I let him in. 
I gave him food and went back to bed, he came with his plate to the room and insisted I also eat. I tried explaining to him that I didn’t want to eat but he refused to listen, He forced me to eat. We sat in the room after we ate but never said a word to each other. 
He then went to wash the dishes, I received a call from his mum while he was washing the dishes. She wanted to know what I had planned for eid. She tried forcing me to come to them but I explained to her that it wasn’t a good idea. I told her to discuss it with Ahmed and he would give her the reason.
She then phoned Ahmed immediately, I stayed in the room but could hear him talking to her. She probably asked him why I didn’t want to come and with who I’m spending eid and if I was going home for eid. I got that much from his replies. She tried to convince him to force me to come because at the end of his conversation he said ” I can’t force her if she doesn’t want to come. ” 
After he cut the call I went to the kitchen, he was sitting on the kitchen stool with his head down. When he heard my foot steps he said “Why don’t you understand, I can’t force someone to do something they don’t.” I asked him if everything was okay and he didn’t reply. 
I told him that I think it would be best for both of us if we could understand where each one stands and try to look at our decisions and the impact it has on us. He just sat and looked at me for a while and then whispered,”maybe I do but you don’t understand, maybe I should re-think things.”
My heart skipped a beat, what was he trying to say. What does he have to re-think, does he mean that he should re-think about us? He walked out before I could ask him anything, I tried calling him but he wouldn’t answer. What should I do, maybe this is the right time to get my parents involved. 

I decided not to do anything right away and rather decide in the morning. I couldn’t sleep the whole night, at midnight I decided to take 1⁄2 a sleeping tablet. It was better then tossing and turning and having my mind work overtime. 


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