I know my mum wouldn’t refuse anything for Zinat. She was upset but I told her I would be back, it was just for the day. She was only upset because I had planned a day with her at the spa. I didn’t cancel, I decided to send Zinats mum in my place.
After breakfast I went to the mall and sorted out the engagement ring for Ahmed. Then I went to the florist to sort out flowers for the engagement. I went home afterwards and tried to spend as much time with my mum to make up for not going with her to the spa. 
I left after lunch to go back to Jo’burg, I still haven’t heard from Ahmed. I was worried why was he coming home so soon and why isn’t he calling me or at least keeping in touch with me. Zinat drove us to Jo’burg, she said I was in no state to drive since I was stressing so much. 
When I got home everyone was so shocked to see me. I had told them that I would only be back on Sunday afternoon so they got worried. I told them the same thing I told my parents, Zinat had to see a doctor. 
I checked with Kausar and she said Ahmed was still coming home on Thursday morning. I called his assistant to make sure of arrangements and asked her to have his apartment cleaned for him. I intend on bringing him first to my apartment and then take him home. 
I hope by me doing all this I don’t upset him more. I didn’t know if I was right in doing this or not and no one could tell me. I eagerly waited for the next morning. I just sat in one spot thinking of what was going to happen.
I hope I don’t make matters worst, what is going through Ahmeds mind? What if he is not upset? What if he just wanted to surprise me? Wait if that was the case then why so many days he hasn’t even sent one message or returned one call. I’m sure he is upset, who wouldn’t be if your partner doesn’t trust you. 
I’ve really made things worst, I have just ruined a good thing that has happened to me after so long. After all the drama with Asad and Ridhwaan, I had something good and I didn’t look after it. I don’t deserve to be with Ahmed, I don’t deserve him. He deserves better. 
All these thoughts went through my mind, I couldn’t sleep. I knew Ahmed would be on a flight but still I tried to call him, his phone was off. I burst out in tears, asking Allah to forgive me, asking Allah to make his heart soft, to help me. I couldn’t take this anymore, I was going insane. 
I can’t live without Ahmed, I will go insane if I don’t have him in my life. My life will be meaningless. I woke up this morning on the floor next to my bed. I fell asleep while crying by my bedside. I got ready and went to the airport, I left Zinat at the apartment. 
When I got to the airport Ahmeds flight had not yet landed. I waited for him but the longer I waited the more nervous I got, the more I thought I shouldn’t of come. After 30 minutes I checked and saw that Ahmeds flight had landed. I felt like I had butterflies in my stomach. 
Then I saw Ahmed walking out and he noticed me waiting for him. He walked up to me and gave me this big hug, then whispered into my ears “I love you”. He was so normal with me, I was confused, if he isn’t angry why did he not return my calls or message me. 
I didn’t ask him anything, I wanted us to get home first, when we got to the car I told him that we were going to my apartment because they still busy cleaning his, he didn’t say anything. Once we got home I made breakfast for him and he went to shower. 
Zinat went to Aunty Rubina’s, I waited for him to finish, I didn’t know whether I should ask him anything or whether I should just let him go to his apartment and forget the rest but then I thought that I didn’t come all this way and lie to everyone just to say nothing. 
After breakfast Ahmed wanted to go to his apartment so I took him. He wanted to fetch his car. On our way I asked him why he didn’t return my calls and reply to my messages. He said he was busy and there was no time. I didn’t tell him that I spoke to Kausar and she told me that he was in contact with them. 
I felt the distance between us, I was afraid of this. I dropped him off and I left, he thought I was going to wait. I didn’t wait because I didn’t want him to see me in tears. When I got home I told Zinat that we could leave, she asked if things were sorted out, “far from it and I doubt there’s a chance to” I said. 
I was hurt, why was he doing this to me for such a small thing, I didn’t react this way when I got those photos and letter. Everything I was afraid of was happening. I messaged Ahmed to tell him that I was leaving to go home, I had only come to pick him up from the airport. 
He called and asked me to wait he was on his way to my house. I didn’t want to wait I was upset with him but Zinat said we should wait maybe things could change. I was hoping so but didn’t expect it to. We waited for 30 minutes when his place was 5 minutes walk away from me. 
I didn’t think he was coming. He called Zinat and told her to keep me waiting he had something he had to do before coming to see me. I was not aware of this so I kept wanting to leave and Zinat kept insisting on us waiting. I almost at one stage decided to leave her and go. 
Ahmed finally came, he walked in with roses and a box in his hand. He gave the roses to Zinat and told her it was for all her help. Then Zinat said she was going for a walk, she left us alone. 
Me: So you wanted me to wait for this? 
Ahmed : No, we need to talk, I’m sorry. 
Me: Sorry for? 
Ahmed : For being such a jerk. I know I should of called you but when I got your message I was upset that you doubted me but after a while I realized that I would of probably done the same. I don’t want us to have problem because someone is trying to make problems. I know what I have to do now. 
I didn’t say anything. He told me that I should get home before it gets dark, Zinat and I left. I know our discussion was not over and that he wanted to say more but there was no time. I messaged him as soon as we got home. He called and we cleared all our confusions and decided not to let silly things get in between us. 
He said he was going home for the weekend and would be back by Sunday night. He wanted to go and see his family and check on how far they were with the engagement preparations. There are just two weeks left and then it will be our engagement day. 
Now that things were sorted and I couldn’t wait to get back to Jo’burg and be with Ahmed but when he got home he told me that he wasn’t coming back to Jo’burg, he was going to meet me on our engagement day. He said that he had to sort out things at his office and had to take care of some things. 
I was disheartened but I knew if it wasn’t important he would of come back. Anyways I had one more thing to do before I left to go back to Jo’burg and that was to come clean with my family and tell them why I really went and that it wasn’t for an appointment. 
My mum and dad were both upset that I lied but when I told them why I lied and that I needed to sort things out myself, I didn’t want them to be involved. It could of made things worst, they both understood and forgave me. 

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