Today we all planned meet up at Zinats place but after yesterday I was in no mood to go so I called her up and told her that I won’t be coming but my brother will still be coming. She was a bit annoyed but she understands the situation. 
I think from now I won’t be meeting either of them or speaking to either of them. After yesterday I realized how complicated I made my life and before all this complications I was not only a good person but also a good muslim. 
I have slacked in all aspects when it comes to me doing my duties as a muslim. Besides my salaah and Quraan I have slacked in the other things I would usually do, like going to the orphanage or old age home and taking food and gifts for everyone, visiting the sick in hospital.
Things like that I’ve stopped because I had given more importance to meeting Asad and Ridhwaan, so today I decided to be my old self and do all the things I would usually do. 
After breakfast I went to get some fruits and vegetables, some toys for the kiddies, some flowers for the elders and the sick and I also got food for everyone. 
I first went to the hospital dropped off all the goodies there and did some visiting because it was the morning visiting hours already. Then I headed to the old age home and spent a few minutes with each person just spreading my love and then I was off to the orphanage.
It was so nice to spend my day this way and to tell you the truth I really missed it, the kids were so loving and forgivable although I didn’t visit them for a few weeks and so were the elders. 
I felt so good with myself and I know I made the right decision, I have no regrets.
My brothers got home before me and told my mum what had happened and that I did not go to Zinat today so when I got home she stood by the door and gave me a huge hug. 
“I know this is a difficult time for you and I support you fully,”my mum said. 
I felt so much of relieve that I had my mum by my side, I was more confident now that I took the right decision. 
My dad was not too happy not because of me going to the orphanage and the rest of the places but because he says I’m delaying his dream of seeing me get married.
I can understand his point of view and I don’t want him to be disappointed but I can’t live a life like this I need some sanity and being myself brings me sanity. 
My brother went on about how much fun they had at Zinats house, apparently Ridhwaan and Asad got along so well, my brother said it was as if the tension from the day before didn’t exist, I really didn’t get it.
What were they trying to do, push me into a decision, I know it’s been a few weeks but it’s my life we talking about there’s no return or refund policy here. 
I just can’t understand what goes through the minds of these men. I’m actually not going to give it much thought, I’m afraid if I do I will end up at the place I don’t really want to be at.
I stayed in my room most of the evening checking my emails, I tried to get some work done before bed. I have a early morning tomorrow my family from Canada will be arriving. 



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